The charming, funny Nicky and her husband J-Rock just announced yesterday — they got their referral! For (wait for it!……) TWO YEAR OLD TWIN GIRLS!
This marks the end of a long wait for Nicky and J-Rock, and the beginning of an incredible adventure with two beautiful little girls. Please drop by and read their referral story and offer your congratulations!
So, the warm Indian Summer weather seems to be done. But despite the cool and overcast day today, it’s a good day.
The funny, brilliant Rhonda and her hubby Kris got their referral: a tiny baby girl, all of 6 weeks old right now! Most excellent news for a most excellent family, who waited over 15 months for this wonderful day… so stop by and check out the news for yourself!
And I had better get moving and get some more lists posted… because Rhonda will soon be needing them!
In slightly less exciting news, we came home from shopping to find… a stroller on our porch! No, it wasn’t just a drive-by strollering… we HAD ordered one. But that was MONDAY, which was a holiday so let’s say TUESDAY for sake of argument — and it arrived this morning already. DUDE. I LOVE that. So now Stinkerbelle and I can go walking! (Which we could before, only in the Snugli — which she loves, but my back? Not so much.) So, much thanks to Grammy, Granddad, Auntie Tena, Uncle Kevin, and the lovely folks at our credit card company, who made the stroller possible.
And in less exciting news still, allow me a moment of Mommy Vanity. But I have to tell you, if there’s something that just tickles me pink, it’s when strangers come up to us and remark about how beautiful our daughter is. Now, I grant you, it’s rare that a stranger walks up to a couple and says, “DUDE. THAT? Is one BUTT UGLY BABY.” So, you know, getting comments about a beautiful baby is more common than not. HOWEVER… when you are someone who thought you would never be in the position to HAVE a baby, full stop, to have people fussing over your child is magical. Today in the grocery store, as we walked around and I had Her Babyness in the Baby Bjorn, a few women came over to remark on how pretty our daughter is. And I was so proud.
As BDH said to me, as I walked back to where he was standing from the bakery section (day olds! must check out the day olds!)… “I have never seen anyone so happy to be carrying a baby in my life.”
It’s true. I’m happy to carry that beautiful baby anywhere. (Although now I can stroller. Well, that will be happy too.)
Five years ago today, BDH and I got married.
We had been together, say, 7 years by that point. And we didn’t want to get married at first. But BDH is kind of a traditional guy, and so after a while we decided to have a very small, intimate wedding. Our plan for a wedding was basically to get together with a few of our closest friends and family and have a good meal and good wine and good conversation.
Simple. Elegant. It went almost perfectly. The weather was gorgeous, the food was fantastic, the flowers were spectacular.
It was a nice day.
We did not have a honeymoon. We decided not to, because we really wanted to go someplace fabulous, and we just didn’t have the money to afford what we wanted. But that was okay — we just decided we’d save up and go somewhere really memorable on our fifth anniversary instead.
Well, our fifth anniversary is here. And we did save, and we are going someplace fabulous — in two short days’ time, we’re off to Ethiopia. Not exactly a romantic, sun-drenched Caribbean getaway or a cottage in the west of Ireland or anything like we had envisioned.
But then, we didn’t plan on marking the day with an anniversary present. So that kind of changes things a bit.
We’re going to get the best anniversary present ever — our daughter.
Beats the hell out of wood or silverware.
Adoption Journey - Day 494 (1 year, 4 months, and a bit)
Well, as you saw, we got our referral yesterday. A tiny, perfect little girl. 6 weeks old. 7.5 pounds. And a whole lot of hair.
It’s been an amazing 24 hours.
Yesterday started like crap. I was sore, as I posted about in the morning. Then around noon, I looked out to see that the chipmunk that I had been feeding for a few weeks now had fallen into the neighbours’ rain barrel and drowned — within the past half hour or so. I could have run out and rescued him, if only I had looked out the window sooner.
I was bummed. So I messaged BDH and told him I was really having a lousy day, and I was going to sit on my exercise bike and try to work out some of the pain (and some of the sadness) by riding a bit.
I was pedalling like mad and about an hour into a chick flick when the phone rang. I checked the call display and saw it was my agency, but I didn’t think anything of it. I picked up and it was my adoption worker, who I had never spoken to before. She asked if BDH was home, but I said no — they talk frequently, so I thought he had called and asked for some information — so I asked if there was a message.
She said no, but that she had some news. She had a referral for us.
I stopped. “Really?” I asked.
She said yes. So I said, “What do we have?”
She asked if I wanted her to tell me, since she was emailing the info out. I stopped short of saying, “DUH”, and said, “Sure” instead.
She took a deep breath, and quietly she said, “You have a little girl”.
I was gobsmacked. A GIRL. I knew that girls were frequently requested, and since we had not specified a gender, I just assumed we’d be referred a boy. In fact, I was sure we’d have a boy.
I was thrilled. I stifled a “SQUEEEEE!” and told her how thrilled I was.
Then, she got all excited. “She’s absolutely BEAUTIFUL!” she exclaimed. Well, everybody says babies are beautiful — nobody every says, “Wow. You have an ugly baby.” So I kind of mentally skipped over that part. But then she said, “And she has SO MUCH HAIR!”
I burst out laughing.
“Well, then,” I said, “OBVIOUSLY she takes after BDH then. He had a ton of hair when he was a baby too.”
She laughed. She was clearly really happy to be bringing us this news, after such a long wait.
I started to get all welly, and my mind was just blank. I said, “I’m kind of all meshuganneh here. I’m stunned.” I was a little giddy.
She said, “We get all sorts of reactions. Some people just cry — INSTANTLY. Others say, ‘Oh, well, that’s nice’. Very calm.”
“That’s definitely not me,” I said.
She told me she’d be sending out the referral, and what was included. She briefly told me what would happen next.
I said, “So this must be a pretty good part of your job, delivering this sort of news.”
She said, “It’s my favourite part.”
“Mine too,” I said.
I got off the phone, and I lost it. I started to cry. Out of relief, out of joy, out of shock, or all of the above and more, I can’t say. I just knew I was going to have a little girl.
I rushed to call BDH. Who was, unusual for Mr. Connected-to-Technology-At-All-Times, nowhere near a phone. Completely unreachable, actually. (To completely understand how unusual this is, you must understand that I can call him on his desk phone, his Blackberry, or message him, or email him, pretty much at any hour of any day. So this was a SPECTACULAR act of Murphy’s Law.)
I left messages. And while I waited, I read through the file. I stared at her pictures. I cried over her birth mother’s report. And I counted my lucky stars that she entrusted the care of her beautiful girl, ultimately, to us.
When he called back, I said, “Hullo, Daddy. You have a baby girl.”
He blurted out, loud in the middle of the office, “I am a DAD!”
The he asked me to send him the referral, but it came out like, “SenditsenditsenditSENDitsenditsendITsenditSENDITSENDIT…”
So I did. And then he sat there, smashing the refresh key on his computer again and again and again. No email. If it had been, say, “Hey, how are you?” the message would have been there instantaneously.
When it finally arrived, he printed out a couple of copies of the pictures, as he was on his way to a meeting. When he entered the meeting, he held the pictures up and announced gleefully, “This is my new daughter!” After congratulations all around, the meeting started. Midway through, he confessed, “You know, I saw your lips moving, but I have no idea what you were saying.”
He made desktop wallpaper of the pictures for his computer. And sent one to me. And then he showed her picture around to everyone, while I started calling family and friends, who were also not near a phone.
Except for Heather. She cried with me on the phone for a little while. Her dad cried too. And the most magical Miss Isabella assured me that she would help me with my baby, because I didn’t have one before. But she has a baby brother, so she knows about babies.
Sherri was home too, who seemed absolutely gleeful at the prospect of being an auntie once again.
And when I got off the phone with everyone, I stared at our referral pictures some more.
She was going to be our daughter.
It was one of our best days ever.
Now, we’re getting our last minute things done so our social worker can sign off on us and we can sign off on our referral. We have drawer latches to install, and a fire safety plan to submit, and cupboard safety locks to put on. Our wine has been sent to the basement for storage. Other things have been put up high.
We want to get through this as quickly and easily as possible, so that we can take everything in to the agency on Friday.
We want nothing to stand in our way, between now and going to meet this sweet little girl with the great hair.
Our daughter. Soon.
A GIRL.
She’s 7.5 lbs and about 21 inches long, and about 6 weeks old. With a head FULL of hair.
We have a girl.
I am verklempt.
This morning, a brand new 7 lb 14 oz baby boy was born into our extended family of dear friends. He doesn’t have a name yet, but he is already much loved by his mom and dad and Big Sister Isabella.
As his mother and father marvel at the perfection of their new son, and drink in all the wonder of this new little life, I find myself a little choked up. A brand-new baby. So wanted. So loved.
A miracle. What else can you call it?
I am an auntie again!
Finally… the good guy wins!
Steven Truscott was acquitted today, with the court calling his 1959 conviction a miscarriage of justice, and with an apology from the courts. Although the court was not able to declare him innocent, which in my mind they should have done without hesitation, his conviction has been quashed, and there will be no appeal. I hope he sues the government for as much money as he possibly can.
I’ve been on pins and needles all day, waiting for the decision to come down. I have been waiting to hear this news for many, many years, because the story has outraged me for years.
So many words come to mind when I think of how Truscott has fought for this day: Grace. Perseverance. Dignity. He is one of our citizens, one of our neighbours, here, and many in this city, and in this province and throughout this country, have stood behind him and believed in him and his absolute innocence in this case.
I cannot even imagine how Mr. Truscott and his family feel today. It has been a long, courageous fight for them, and beyond that, I have no words for what that 14 year old boy must have endured so long ago. He is at last free of a 50-year nightmare.
Congratulations, Mr. Truscott!
Adoption Journey — Day 213
First, I just received an email from our homestudy social worker that said:
I was in touch with the Ministry this morning and everything is fine on your file so you should receive your approval in the next few weeks. Congratulations, you’re on your way!
As soon as you hear about a referral, please let me know. We’ll meet again at that time.
And, secondly… it’s raining!
SQUEEE! <happy clap>
I’ve known quite a few people in my online life. I’ve “met” them through message boards, online communities, blogs, and the like. Many have, over the years, become really good friends, and people I have come to like very much. This despite the fact that I’ve rarely met any of them in real life.
Yesterday, two of these dear friends gave me an incredible surprise. Apparently, the two of them have been consipiring over this surprise for quite some time.
They both have come to know a fair bit about me, and know about everything that’s been going on with infertility and adoption, have followed my stories of cat adventures and misadventures, know the work BDH and I have done with volleyball teams, that sort of thing. And so at one point they made plans together to send me a gift.
One of these friends is Kelly, who I talk to almost every day and has been like part of the family to BDH and myself for so long, it’s hard to believe we met online. The gift was Kelly’s idea. Kelly commissioned this gift from our other friend Marcie, who, besides being a friend who has always been supportive and encouraging to me, is also an incredibly gifted artist. She works in stained glass.
So, yesterday I received a box from Monarch Glass and More, which is Marcie’s studio/business. (Now, if you think I am exaggerating when I tell you Marcie is gifted, have a look through the site at some of the work she has done. She has some incredible talent.) I opened it to find a carefully wrapped stained glass suncatcher.
It was my cat, Opus.
BDH tells me that Kelly tried to find a picture of Opus that she could use for this gift she was thinking of, so that I would have something special to always remember my dear kitty. Then she sent it along to Marcie, who thought she could make something that captured The Bubby. She made this gorgeous piece, just from looking at a picture.
And it’s perfect. The likeness is incredible. Somehow, Marcie has found glass that captures Opus’s tabby fur — it’s kind of striped in shades of brown and gray. She put two little white paws on her, just like Opus. Big bright eyes, just like my girl. And the pose they chose is perfect, like we often see from Opus when she’s relaxing in a sunbeam. I will post pictures once I get it hung up and can get some pictures of it.
I was so touched. Kelly was so incredibly thoughtful, to go to all the trouble of planning and ordering this, knowing how much I love my old kitty and all we’ve gone through with her over the last few years. I won’t have Opus forever, and so now, thanks to Kelly’s generosity and Marcie’s talent, I will always have something special to remember her when her time comes.
So today I celebrate three very dear friends. Thank you, Kelly, for your generosity and thoughtfulness and friendship, in this and always. Thank you Marcie, for your talent and hard work in creating something so beautiful. And thanks to both of you, I will always have something special to remember my special girlie, who has been my faithful feline companion for all these years.
I am so touched.
Adoption Journey - Day 74
Huzzah! Our passports came yesterday!
This is a big deal for us. We had to get passports, obviously, so that we’d be able to travel to Ethiopia when the time comes to go get our Mystery Baby. And with all the new passport thingies from the U.S. government, there was a hullaballoo just getting a passport in a reasonable amount of time. But we got it done, and they came yesterday morning. We went out to the post office to pick them up last night. One big step on our adoption checklist is complete!
Once we got them, the first thing we did was rushed out to the car, ripped the packages open, and checked the date of issue.
March 29, 2007.
So that means, since the Ethiopian government mandates that we have to hold our passports for 6 months prior to travel, the very soonest we can leave to travel to Ethiopia is September 29. September 29! It’s hardly any time at all.
Last night BDH was kind of complaining that we should have gotten our passports sooner, and if we had done, we’d be getting our child sooner. He blamed it on himself, procrastinating. But honestly? I don’t mind. Six months is NOT that long when you are preparing for the arrival of a baby into your life. We are going to need all that time to get things ready, to get the house ready, to get our lives ready. Plus, with the millennium celebrations happening in Ethiopia during September, I don’t want to travel then anyway, since it will be tough to get hotels and flights and so on. So October or November suits me just fine.
We also took another step — or more correctly, a lot of steps — in getting prepared for imminent parenthood. And it was a tough one.
We got up early this morning and went for a walk.
BDH hates exercise, he really does. And honestly? I’m much more comfortable sitting in front of a computer these days than getting out and sweating. But in order to improve BDH’s blood sugar levels and keep his diabetes controlled, he needs to exercise. So we decided to start our morning walks again, weather permitting, and when the weather is bad, he’s going to get on the treadmill in the basement. As for me, I already do yoga, and get on the treadmill, and go for walks, but it’s intermittent, and this will motivate me to do it more faithfully.
There were a lot of reasons that pushed us to start walking again, but it all kind of hit home for BDH at the home study meeting the other night. We talked a bit about health issues and adoption, and BDH really realized there’s a lot riding on this. One, I’d like BDH to live a good long life, so he has to learn to control his diabetes. And I am a candidate for high blood pressure so hey, I can use all the exercise I can get. But even more important, the healthier we are, the better our chances for adoption, and the better equipped we will be to keep up with a youngster. We don’t want our health (or lack of it) to jeopardize our chances.
So yeah, we did it. It was freezing cold this morning, but we bundled up and off we went. 4 km. He complained the whole way, but he did it. And he’s hurting now, but it will get better. The first day’s always the hardest. Me, I quite enjoy the morning walks, once I actually get going — and especially now when it’s cool, as opposed to humid summer mornings. Hopefully I can keep him motivated to keep going.
So there are a few more steps done on this long journey to meet Mystery Baby.
Yesterday was full of learning experiences. I learned many things.
I hope today involves a little less learning. I could stand to learn a whole lot less today.
Adoption Journey - Day 63
Yesterday, we booked our first appointment of our home study. Now it all starts in earnest.
It’s great news for us. It means that we are getting into the biggest part of the adoption process, the part that takes the most time and patience. If we get it done and successfully, we will be allowed to adopt a child. It’s the key to a future with a child in our lives.
I must admit I am intimidated. Not so much by the home study process, because I think answering the questions won’t be such a big deal. But I am intimidated by everything we have to get done before we can have someone in and “inspect” our home. There’s just so much.
Our house is day-to-day clean, in terms of what you’d expect from two busy and not-so-neat adults living together. And having 3 cats, one of whom is elderly and pees on stuff from time to time, certainly doesn’t help. But although it is tidy enough for everyday, there’s no way it’s clean enough to pass inspection, and it’s going to need work before we bring a child home.
We have here the clutter of 10 years of busy life together, 10 years’ worth of stuff accumulated by two pack rats. And precious little storage space. So, one of the first things we must do is start throwing things away. We have to be ruthless. We have to just bite the bullet and start getting rid of stuff. I have to learn to throw away my Canadian Living magazines and my craft stuff and clothes I’ve been holding on to that I will never realistically wear again. And BDH has to learn to part with his old computer components and gear, most of which is useless, and his hobby stuff. We have to chuck the lot.
And don’t even talk to me about the garage. I shudder to think about the work that will be required for our garage, since it has been impromptu storage all these years. That’s going to require days of work in itself.
We have to get rid of old furniture. We have to throw away dishes we don’t use and bikes we’ll never ride and tools that never get used. We have to just learn to live with less clutter. And we have to buy storage to put away all the stuff we do need to keep. We also have to replace any of our old not-child-friendly furniture with brand new stuff. And since we have only one income, we have to learn to be realistic about what we need, since we cannot take on any more debt than the already painfully expensive cost of the adoption itself.
We have to wash windows and paint walls and mop floors and vacuum carpets. And then we have to get the carpets deep cleaned. We’ll likely have to hire someone to come in and clean the house and deep clean the carpets professionally after we do it, just to be sure.
And, one of the hardest things of all: we have to put Opus in her cage overnight and when she is not supervised. Granted, we’re putting a little 7 pound kitty in a huge Great Dane sized cage, so she’s got plenty of room and a comfy bed and food and water and litter — she has everything she needs. And she really doesn’t mind it so much, because she is so old she sleeps all the time anyway. But it hurts to take away her freedom and her ability to run around, especially now that she’s so healthy and happy. But we cannot have her peeing on stuff.
And then, once we get all the cleaning and general maintenance done, we have a long list of baby-proofing things that must get done. There are things I expected, like getting cabinet locks and outlet covers. And there are things I had not expected, like buying escape ladders for the bedrooms and carbon monoxide detectors and bolting our bookshelves to the wall. I don’t know one single person who has ever done these things in anticipation of having a biological child, and yet, we are required to do so to adopt. So we will cheerfully buy outlet covers, and escape ladders, and fire extinguishers, and gear to hide all our electrical cords, and put a cat-flap in the basement door for the cats to get into and out of the basement.
Before, this was just an item on a list, something that had to be done sometime. It was in the future. But now, it’s immediate. When I think of everything we have to do, I get so overwhelmed. I want to just sit down and cry. Paperwork I can handle. Bureaucracy I can handle. But this is just so much to do, and all on my own essentially, since BDH is at work all day.
I just have to remember why it is I am doing all this stuff. I just have to suck it up and get it done. And when it’s done, it’s done. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
But I don’t even know where to begin. Hell, I don’t even know where to begin my list.
I’ve been doing so much research this week, my eyeballs are rolling around their sockets. So today, I took a little time out to appreciate things.
