Oct

31

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Her Babyness, Holidays

Protected: Saturday Smile: Halloween

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Oct

29

By CinnamonOpus

6 Comments

Categories: Everyday Life Stuff, Her Babyness, Welcome to the Mommyhood

Helpless

Well, That Baby is sick. And I have to ask, is there anything worse in the job of parenting than to sit and watch your child struggle while they are sick, and know that there’s very little you can do to help them? Knowing that you basically just have to sit by and “let it run its course”, essentially?

It has to be the hardest part of parenting. Feeling helpless. Watching while your child looks helpless.

UGH. It is NO FUN NO.

Stinkerbelle has been hit pretty hard by the cold that came home with BDH last week. She’s got a fever, and she’s coughing and sneezing, and her nose runs like a tap… all the usual stuff.

But when it is 2 am, and you have been listening to your child cough and sneeze and moan for an hour, not knowing what to do to help them — or, more accurately, knowing that there isn’t much you CAN do to help them at this age — is a terrible feeling.

You worry. You go over “worst-case” scenarios in your head (this being the time of H1N1 and all). You agonize over little things: Should I get her up and give her some Tylenol? Or will she go back to sleep? Can she breathe okay? And a million other little thoughts pass through your head.

So not only is your child sleeping fitfully at best, but you are not sleeping at all.

Last night, around 2:30, we made the decision to get up and see what we could do to help That Baby. She sounded pretty miserable. And she has never had a cough before — and BDH has decided that there are few things that sound sadder than a little person coughing in the dark in their room. So we got her up, changed her diaper, took her temperature, changed her into something cooler to help her fever, and gave her some Tylenol and a bottle. And then we tried to settle her back in for the night.

I don’t know about other kids — maybe all kids are the same — but That Baby sleeps so lightly when she is sick. Normally, we rock her to sleep and then put her in her crib, and she sleeps like a log through it most of the time. But when she is sick, it seems like she is barely dozing. Every time we tried to move her from arms to crib, she would wake up.

So, around 3:30 or quarter to four, I made the decision that I would just sit up with her. That Baby has a rocker-slash-recliner in her room (actually it’s an Ikea Poang chair — putting this chair in her room was INSPIRED in the parenting department, I have to say) so BDH got me a quilt, and I sat with That Baby in my arms and rocked her. She slept, and when she stirred I could just rock her back to sleep. And I slept some, too — because those chairs are SO COMFY. BDH came in at 6:15 or so to relieve me, and he rocked her while I went back to bed and crashed for an hour and a half.

That Baby woke up so miserable. So tired. So hot. We got her some breakfast and a bottle, but she was miserable. Not even Elmo and Abby cheered her up.

And if you want your heart ripped out and stomped on, put a tired, sick toddler down and watch her take tiny, shaky little steps. She looked SO helpless and small, I just wanted to run over and scoop her up.

But we got through the morning, with That Baby sitting on my lap quietly, watching Baby Einstein and clutching a DVD case, while I continually mopped her little nose. She didn’t complain.

And after a bottle, some Tylenol, and MUCH convincing on my part, Stinkerbelle is now napping for what I hope will be a good long snooze. Or the first of a couple short snoozes. Whatever. I am not fussy.

I can understand totally why parents are rushing to emergency rooms all over the country this flu season. It’s one thing to feel helpless while your child feels sick, but they are so totally vulnerable — you don’t want to mess around with anything so potentially dangerous. You would do anything you can to protect them.

This is just a cold. I cannot imagine the strength it takes for a parent to see his or her child through a life-threatening illness. I guess it must be like this, but to the millionth power. And here’s hoping I never find out.

Helpless little ones, helpless-feeling parents… how DO people survive childhood to adulthood?

Oct

27

By CinnamonOpus

6 Comments

Categories: Everyday Life Stuff

Tis the Season

It’s that time of year again. Time for Teh Sick to visit out house.

BDH is a diabetic, so when I say he’s sicker than any 10 people I know, usually it’s not an exaggeration. He gets sick more frequently than others, and is more susceptible to whatever is going around. And what he gets, lasts WAAAAY longer than it should. But that generally means that what he’s got I usually DON’T, since I’m pretty much as healthy as a horse most of the time.

But then, BDH got on some new meds earlier this year and his diabetes became much more under control. And presto! change-o! He didn’t get sick as often. And what he got didn’t last. It was great!

Until the first rumblings of Teh Cold began, which eventually took up residence in his chestal region on the weekend.

Now me, I have been on this 100 Day Challenge fitnessy thing. And that means I am exercising and running and walking and yoga-ing like a fiend. I am FIT! I am STRONG!

I am also TIRED!

And so, consequently, now I am SICK!

Bah.

Oh well. It happens. It’s a cold.

But is anybody else just a TEENSY TINY WEE BIT PARANOID about the whole H1N1 thing? I mean, just a LEETLE bit? And not just for me because, hey, I had the Sydney A flu when it was going around back in ‘97 or something and that? Was the sickest I have EVER been. So I figure something that hasn’t even got a PROPER NAME isn’t going to outdo THAT ONE. So whatevs.

But Stinkerbelle? For her, I worry.

She is little. And so I worry. If anything were to happen to her, I would curl up and die. So although I know the chances of picking up this latest bad boy are pretty small, I still worry. You can’t avoid it.

And I am going to watch her like a HAWK as this cold inevitably gets passed on to her. And every other sniffle and complaint until the season is done.

Oct

24

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Her Babyness

Protected: Saturday Smile: Calling Grammy

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Oct

23

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Everyday Life Stuff

Enough Already

Okay. I have had enough.

This rain has GOT to STOP. It’s depressing. It has rained so much over the summer and fall that I am beginning to get a little mouldy. My fingers are getting pruney. I could not get my garden to grow, and now that the season’s done, I can’t get out and clean up the mess that should have been my garden.

And, worst of all, it’s breaking my little girl’s heart.

Yesterday, we had to do some running around, getting groceries. It was nice and warm when we left, and the rain that was forecast was nowhere in sight. It looked like it might be a day where we could spend some time outside. As I walked my daughter to the car after returning our grocery cart, and picked her up to load her into her car seat, she began to cry, a plaintive wail at being cooped up once again. She LOVES outside. So I thought maybe after naptime and lunch we could do something.

The afternoon rolled around and lunch was done. I looked outside to check the weather, and see if I could take That Baby out to run off some energy. The rain was holding off, so I promised Stinkerbelle I would take her outside to play.  So I took her upstairs and changed her diaper and put some jeans on her, got her dressed in socks and shoes and a warm hoodie, and got myself suitably dressed. We stepped outside onto the porch… and it began to drizzle. And drizzle. And drizzle some more.

And it had gotten cold. Too cold, what with the damp, to let her play on the porch. So I took her back inside.

And she cried. Not the wailing, phoney-baloney cry of protest and anger we normally get when her plans are thwarted. No, not this time. She cried with that look of utter devastation on her face. Complete disappointment. She had been SO looking forward to playing outside and running around. She loves it so much. And I had broken her tiny trust.

I was the worst mommy in the world. I felt so bad.

So for the remainder of the day, I let her keep her shoes on, in case the rain let up and we could dash out for a bit of a walk. We were not so lucky.

Me, I don’t mind being inside. The wind is blowing and it is cold and damp out there, and I would much rather stay in with a warm bevvie and some knitting.

But Stinkerbelle… She is bored. And at her age, there’s only so much you can do to amuse her, because she still has the attention span of a soap dish. We haven’t got friends or other kids to go visit. I haven’t really done much in the way of researching other “drop in” types of entertainment in town (although I will have to get on that). And I hate parking her in front of a DVD.

So if the rain could stop, that would be really great. Because while it’s raining and pouring, the old man may be snoring, but That Baby is crying real tears of disappointment. And it’s making her mommy sad too.

Oct

20

By CinnamonOpus

6 Comments

Categories: Craftiness, Everyday Life Stuff, Friends and Family, Her Babyness

Stuff and Things

I have things to post. I do.

But Life, life-with-a-capital-L, has been happening. Not all good, not all bad, not all to us… but still. Life has been Happening. And so we have been busy, and I have been distracted.

So, I hope you will be able to make do with a short list of the more enjoyable stuff and also things, until I can do something more substantial.

  • Our last social worker visit went splendidly. Our house was clean. I got That Baby bathed, did her hair, got her dressed nicely, and had her sitting quietly in front of her Little People video, reading a book. She was picture perfect. Until the social worker came in, at which point, she walked over to where the social worker was standing, put her head down on the carpet, did a somersault, and then proceeded to take her socks off and put them on her head. Repeatedly. With loud guffaws. So… yeah. We did fine. And the vast majority of our visit was about bitching and venting about That Agency anyway, so it all worked out in the end. But we did have to pay for our report.
  • Swimming lessons continue to go well. Except for the fact that Stinkerbelle does NOT grasp the concept of “close your mouth” and therefore consequently gets a mouthful of pool water whenever we try dunking her underwater, or floating on her stomach, or when a wave splashes up over her when she is back floating… Not that she cares much, because she spends the vast majority of her time with her tongue hanging out trying to drink the pool water anyway.
  • I am tired. We are on day 44 of our 100 Day Challenge, in which BDH and I have challenged ourselves to do 30 minutes of physical activity each day. Many of my days have been high cardio things, and my tired is legendary. But it is good. I like the sense of accomplishment of doing my time each day, especially on days when it was all I could do to drag my sorry arse down the basement stairs to where the treadmill is. And we have been faithfully blogging our efforts (elsewhere). But blogging and writing in a couple of different places has been spreading my creativity fairly thin these days, not to mention adding to the tired.
  • That Baby loves walking on our sidewalk, up and down our street. We live on a hill. She prefers uphill, unless the sun is out, in which case she prefers downhill so she can run downhill and watch her shadow at the same time. One daily amusement is to go to the mailbox at the top of the hill. She refuses to go past one house about 4 houses uphill from us — digs in her little feet until I am tugging on her arm like a puppy on a leash — and so I have to dangle our mailbox key in front of her like a carrot in front of a mule in order to get her walking again. (I do not know what it is about that spot. Invisible baby force field or something.) Today, she was all about the shouting as we walk. She is very much into intonation these days. So today’s walk consisted of her shouting “OH” at various volumes, pitches and intonations. “OOH!” “Ooo-AH!” “OHO!” I swear to doG, it was like following a tiny pink-clad James Brown up and down the street. The neighbours already think we are nuts, so periodically I would shout “Good God!” or “HooWAH!” You know, for funsies.
  • My knitting, she is OUT. OF. CONTROL. I am knitting a baby blanket for That Baby’s future boyfriend Rana’s little boy. I am knitting squares for the Knit-A-Square charity project. I am soon to start knitting baby blankets for a Botswana/Nairobi charity project. I have yarn waiting to start a blanket for BDH. Stinkerbelle needs another blanket. I do not have enough arms. I also need a really good Stitch-n-Bitch to start up here in town. One at a good coffeeshop.
  • I am preoccupied on a more personal level these days, waving my fist in futile, incandescent fury at the powers-that-be on behalf of a friend who is having some serious health struggles. Positive energy is needed, but right now I am waffling somewhere between dumbstruck, uncomprehending, and really, really angry. I will get to positive shortly. Maybe. Positive, with a side order of determined. That is where we need to be.

So there you go. Life carries on as normal.

Oct

17

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Her Babyness

Protected: Saturday Smile: Cleaning Crew

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Oct

15

By CinnamonOpus

9 Comments

Categories: Adoption, Everyday Life Stuff

No Post Where There Should Be One

Okay, I know I should post today, I really should. And I have things to say. Like about how Stinkerbelle spent the morning being pushed in our cart through the grocery store saying, “Uh oh! Uh oh! UH OH!” Or how she learned, randomly, how to sign the word “table” and will now, equally randomly, in the middle of reading a book or walking through the hallway or whatever, sign “Table! Table! Table!” like she’s throwing gangsta signs in da hood or something.

I really WOULD post except… it’s Social Worker Day.

Yes, today is our 3rd and final visit from the Social Worker to do our final report as required for our adoption. Today is the last time we have to be appraised by a Recognized Adoption Practitioner Person to see that we are Fit Parents and Doing A Good Job.

And after this, we are on our own. We will be sending annual reports to doG knows where, and then hopefully somebody in Ethiopia will get them and probably not even look at them and then file them in the appropriate drawer in some dark room somewhere, never to be seen again.

But in the meantime, we have this one last visit to get through.

So, we’re doing a last minute cleanup of the prospective Social Worker-visited areas. We are planning to make supper ahead of time. We are going to toss That Baby in the tub and do her hair.

It’s still, even though it is a formality, a bit of a nervous time. We want to make a good impression.

But another thing that’s making this visit stressful is that it is still up in the air as to whether or not we have to pay for this visit. We are annoyed by this. Thanks to That Agency going bankrupt, our money in trust for this visit is nowhere to be seen. Our social worker is officially the creditor in this situation, and she, along with the other creditors, voted to waive the money owing to them. Which is fine for HER, because she still gets paid. But we had no say in the decision, and yet we have to pay TWICE for this stupid report. So we are annoyed, and the discussion about this money has to happen.

So that’s kind of hanging over our day too.

But that is a couple of hours away yet. Before then we must bath That Baby and make her presentable. We must tidy and prepare dinner. We must strike in the hustle and the bustle beforehand.

So, I have no time to post anything today. Sorry.

But I’ll tell you what… just imagine something really fun and interesting is posted here in this space, K? Something fun. You decide. I’m cool with that.

So, until tomorrow… UH OH. And also? TABLE.

Oct

13

By CinnamonOpus

8 Comments

Categories: Her Babyness, Welcome to the Mommyhood

Swimming Lesson

Today was the day we’ve all been waiting for, the day we’ve been anticipating since well before we met Stinkerbelle, and certainly since the first time we plonked her in a tub and saw she was without a doubt a water baby.

Today was That Baby’s first swimming lesson.

Both BDH and I firmly believe in swimming lessons. We think it should be mandatory for every single child to take swimming lessons. We both loved to swim and took lessons, and I took my niece to swimming lessons nigh unto 15 years ago. And  we want our daughter to be safe around water.

But more than that? We think the idea of kitting out That Baby in a cute little bikini (giant swim diaper underneath, too) and a bright rainbow-striped cover-up and watching her splash about in the water is one of the perks of parenthood. And some of the biggest fun you can have as a parent.

We had always planned for Stinkerbelle to take lessons, and so as soon as she was old enough, we signed her up. And this morning, about 11 other parents and myself toted our kids to the local pool, changed them, and led them out in a baby-bathing-beauty parade around the pool deck to meet their instructor and their class.

She’s a Duck. That’s her class. The Ducks. And it fits. Slightly waddly, bums sticking out, beaks always flapping ’cause they never stop talking… they’re ducks all right.

So all the parents rounded up their respective Ducks and climbed into the learning pool. It’s maybe 3 feet deep and warmer than a regular pool — or, at least, it is supposed to be, to help the little ones adjust. For whatever reason, the learning pool was decidedly chilly today, and this was a bit of a problem for our little Ducks. Not to mention, for the Duck wranglers who had so squat in said chilly water for half an hour.

But squat there we did, bouncing and singing songs and splashing and trying not to suffer the indignity of having a panicking toddler rip down your bathing suit top in an attempt to get out of the chilly pool. We learned to splash, and to put various parts of our person into the water, and to kick, and to float.

Stinkerbelle failed the front-float-on-a-floaty-thing part of the class. Failed horribly. She was not leaning on that styrofoamy turtle thing no way, no how. And she was CERTAINLY not going to kick her feet behind her.

But then we got to the back float portion of the class. This is where the screaming and wailing and crying begins. Most children do NOT want to float on their backs and put their heads and ears into the water. But not That Baby. Oh no. She ROCKED the back float. She could back float all the livelong day. She LOVESLOVESLOVES to have her hair and ears wet, and I don’t mean to brag, but That Baby was definitely at the head of the class in back float. I mean, she is ADVANCED. I can’t lie. One could go so far as to say GIFTED in the back float.

And then it was all done. And we had to go home. Half an hour flies when you are back floating.

That Baby was pooped after all the excitement, all the kids, and all the splash time. We got home and she was ready for a snooze. And after her first swimming lesson, she slept hard and woke well rested and ready for a boisterous after-lunch dance party. And running like a crazy person all over the playroom, like a duck on a mission.

It’s like she took physical activity drugs or something. Is this the baby’s version of a “runner’s high”?

I dunno. But I cannot wait to see what next swimming lesson brings.

Oct

10

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Her Babyness

Protected: Saturday Smile: Band Practice

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Oct

6

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Craftiness

100 Good Wishes Quilt: Squares #20 and #21

I got another fun parcel in the mail last week — this time from Elizabeth, her husband Trevor, and their beautiful girl Calla!

Elizabeth is one of those people who, were it not for the Internets (which I did break up with last week, you will recall, but I still love), I would never have “met”. She has been reading my blog for awhile, since our trip last year to meet Stinkerbelle and bring her home, when she herself was a few months away from travelling to bring home her darling girl. She was doing research for her trip and read about our adventures and lists and recommendations. And she decided to keep visiting, even after she was home with Calla.

Plus, as it turns out, her Calla and our Stinkerbelle were roomies at the Transition House. So that makes it extra special. We don’t have a lot of contacts with other adoptive parents from that time — we travelled mostly on our own, since few parents wanted to brave travelling during the joyful chaos of New Years in Ethiopia — so it was really wonderful to learn that our daughters had been together at the Transition House.

Now, Elizabeth is also one of those marvellously creative, crafty types that I envy. She sent along gorgeous cards with really lovely wishes for That Baby on them. I have not the slightest bit of artistic crafty talent, so I absolutely love that people take such care and can make something so lovely that Stinkerbelle can have as a keepsake. As well, she sent along a letter to tell our daughter about her family, her daughter, and their shared history. It’s really wonderful, and something I am sure That Baby will treasure as she grows older.

So the first square is a gorgeous batik from Elizabeth and Trevor:

elizabeth square 2

Isn’t that a beautiful rich colour? And I lovelovelove batik, so I was enchanted. In her letter, Elizabeth says she picked the fabric because the colours reminded her a little bit of Africa. And she related a wonderful story of camping in Ethiopia, about a night filled with dance, love and music. And that story became a wish:

“Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.”

May your life be filled with dance, love, music and many wonderful adventures!

Isn’t that lovely? You can see the card it’s written on peeking out from behind the fabric. I love that it comes from Elizabeth and Trevor’s own experiences, having the courage to embark upon the adventures in their lives that have made the best memories.

The second square comes from her beautiful Calla, who has a love of dogs, cats, fish and ladybugs:

elizabeth square 1

Well Calla, we love ladybugs here, too — and so this fabric is perfect!

Calla’s wish is one of friendship, and given they started out their lives together, it’s really fitting:

May great friendships enrich your life with laughter, joy and comfort.

There are few things so wonderful to wish for someone than good friends! And included with that was a lovely Ethiopian proverb that adds a fun little touch:

“Move your head according to the music.”

Believe me Calla, she does! And her butt, too. :)

So thank you so much, Elizabeth, Trevor and Calla, for sending along such wonderful thoughts, wishes and fabric for That Baby’s quilt. Our adoption adventure started out together in many ways, and it will be so nice as the years go on to look back at this very special part of our daughters’ history.

Oct

3

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Her Babyness

Protected: Saturday Smile: Rainy Day Fun

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Oct

1

By CinnamonOpus

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Categories: Everyday Life Stuff

Ummmm, BUSY. Yeah, That’s It.

Dear Internets,

Okay, I admit it. I haven’t been posting on my blog as faithfully as I could these past few weeks. I have not been keeping up with Twitter. And I haven’t been keeping on top of my email recently.

Yes, I know it is true. I cannot deny it.

I could give you some big old song and dance about That Baby or Things That Must Be Done or Life In General, and some of it might even be true. But that would be lying, to you and to myself. And really, Internets? I love you too much to lie to you.

So I am going to come clean. I am going to tell you the truth. I am going to be honest.

I’ve been cheating on you.

Yes, it is true. I have not been faithful. I know it hurts, but I would rather you hear it from me than from Elsewhere. I want you to know the TRUTH, dear Internets.

There’s someone else in my heart right now.

It’s knitting.

I know. I am sorry. But I found That Site out there when you were not looking, and I cannot seem to stay away. I am the first to admit, I am a bit obsessed. I can’t help it. It’s just so… INTERESTING.

Oh, come on, Internets. Sure, I used to cruise you for information and entertainment, but lately? We both been feeling a little bored with each other. And so I strayed. I am human.

But this knitting site, it makes me happy. It gives me patterns. FOR FREE. There are tips and advice. There are groups of all kinds to join with people who share my interest. THERE ARE CONVERSATIONS.

Don’t look at me that way, Internets! I am a stay at home mom! I LIKE conversations! And, let’s be honest. They flashed their free patterns — FREE! — at me, and I didn’t stand a chance.

Plus, where else can I indulge my need to knit for charity and my love of Doctor Who? ALL IN ONE PLACE?

Face it, Internets. It was FATE.

I will always still love you, Internets. And I don’t want to leave you. But I feel we should make a change. Make our relationship more OPEN. I don’t want to sneak around behind your back anymore. I respect you too much. You will always be my first love. But I need MORE.

I will be here, but if I am gone for awhile? It’s because I am THERE. Don’t take it personally. I’ll be back… Just don’t wait up for me, okay? I have a few projects in my queue now, some squares and a hat and a blanket. And the discussion about the Eleventh Doctor is just heating up.

See you soon,
CinnamonOpus

P.S. I’ve been seeing other blogs, too. But maybe now is not the time to bring that up.

P.P.S. I’d come back to you, Internets, for more of this: