FAIL Friday: The Return of FAIL

Well, it’s been a while since we have had a FAIL Friday. But trust me when I tell you, I am still full of FAIL; I’ve just been too lazy to post about it. I guess that’s just another FAIL to add to the list, huh.

  • Restraint FAIL, Wildlife Division:  So, we back on to conservation land. Consequently, our days are filled with sightings of the wildlife variety, mostly deer, squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, and various birds. And for years, I was feeding the local denizens of said forest by the handful: some carrots for the deer here, some peanuts for the local rodentia there. Until we noticed that, in the spring, the fences were lined with piles of peanut shells left behind by feasting squirrels and birds that BDH was required to tidy up. And, more disturbingly, the squirrels were coming up to the house and climbing all over the screen to indicate their desire for meal service. So. BDH requested that we put a stop to the feeding. And we were good, for a time. But one little visitor, our local chipmunk Pip, came and waited expectantly and quite patiently, and even BDH could not resist. So he got peanuts. And with him, a meeker, more skittish chipmunk, Chip, soon was included. Then, this spring, BDH noticed a very tiny little squirrel come to the fence. He was scared but hungry, with a nervous little habit of skittering backwards whenever he thought we might approach. We named him Beep (for the beep-beep-beep of a truck backing up.) He got food. Then another little fellow, whose tail had a white tip, that we named Spot. It was becoming quite a little gathering bytimes. Then, one day, a little squirrel approached. He was unsteady on his feet. When he sat up, he nearly fell over. And then he came right up to the window when I was standing there, and got his face up to my level. And I realized, there was something wrong with his vision. He would tilt over his head to look at me with his left eye only, and it must have been throwing his balance off to not have both eyes working. I called him Crazy Eyes once, and BDH was HORRIFIED. So we called him Tilty, since he’s all tippy-tilty, and he has since become one of our little friends that gets peanuts when he comes by. So, BDH’s mandate of “no feeding the critters” has gone by the wayside. But on the plus side, we are feeding them shelled peanuts, so there will be no mess to clean up come spring.
  • Restraint FAIL, Adulting Division:  Yesterday was a day of errands. We were supposed to get groceries, but the previous evening, BDH had researched getting a certain type of journal to do some work getting organized. So I thought it would be nice to check in at the local Staples to see if we could pick one up for him. (We did.) And after that, since Staples was in the same plaza as the bulk store, I decided to get some almonds for healthy snacking for me, and some peanuts for the aforementioned local wildlife. While we were there, Stinkerbelle got the idea of having a tea party. Since Santa got her a tea set last Xmas, I thought it a lovely idea, and suggested she could pick out some cookies to have at our tea party. She picked some tiny chocolate chip cookies, and I got a small bag full so that we might have our tea party that afternoon, and still have some left over for subsequent tea parties if she enjoyed herself. After groceries were obtained and put away, and lunch was had, and homework was done, it was tea party time. That Girl dressed up as Rapunzel, and I served tea and put a handful of cookies on a plate, and we sat and chatted about life as a princess, and what’s new in the kingdom, and how Flynn Rider was doing, and then That Girl’s small iguana stuffie Dorothy joined us to play the part of Pascal. We had a lovely imaginary time, and lots of tea was had. And then we realized we had each had 3 cookies and the serving plate was empty. So I thought, “Well, they’re small, and there’s lots,” and I dished up a few more cookies. More tea, more chatting, more cookies. We were having such a nice time! More tea, more chatting, more cookies… until we found we had eaten ALL the cookies. Like, maybe THIRTY cookies. They were tiny, but STILL. So much for my modelling good eating habits to That Girl, not to mention sticking to my own plan of eating a healthier diet.
  • Perambulatory FAIL: Way, way, WAAAAAY back when, as a mere 19-year-old, I suffered a back injury when playing university ball. It was an injury to the facet joints on the right side of the 3rd and 4th lumbar vertebrae in my lower back. Apparently, it’s a common injury for girls who participate in sports that require lots of jumping and pounding landings, often on one foot — so gymnastics, figure skating, and volleyball. Tick off participation in two of those for me throughout my chilldhood and teen years, most definitely, Plus, as a kid who resisted gravity at every turn and jumped unusually high, add a lot of extra jumping as well. So, the injury itself is not serious, but it is painful and causes back spasms, and there’s no way to fix it. Once it’s done, it’s a matter of pain management and back-supporting exercise for life. Needless to say, in recent years, as my fitness has decreased and my fatness has increased, I haven’t done as well in this regard as maybe I should do. But about 8 years ago, I found some relief in acupuncture. As a last-ditch effort before Stinkerbelle came home, knowing I’d need to be able to carry and push and lit with and walk with a baby for extended periods, I took the recommendation to try acupuncture. I was skeptical, but it totally worked. No idea how, no idea why. But STILL. It fixed me up and I was pain free FOR YEARS. Occasionally, though, there’d be a twinge or some stiffness. And moreso in recent, more sedentary years. But this injury, it is INSULTING. Because when it acts up, it’s not like I can go and brag about OH YEAH, I WAS IN A CAGE DEATH MATCH or even I WAS HAVING A FRIENDLY WEIGHTLIFTING CHALLENGE WITH HUGH JACKMAN AND HAD TO LIFT 500 POUNDS TO WIN. Oh no. Those things are FINE. It’s when I do things like PICK UP A BOTTLE OF WINE or TAKE A STEP ACROSS THE KITCHEN when it it suddenly goes TWAAAANNNNNNNNGGGGG and then I can’t move my back or my right leg and I begin cursing and swearing in a way that nearby 7-year-olds should not really hear. Which is what happened yesterday, when I was in the kitchen and experienced the step forward-TWAAANNNNGGG-mother-fucking-FUCKER!! trifecta of SUCK. And while I recovered fairly quickly, and am only feeling localized pain-like-a-bruise pain and some stiffness, I am feeling a great deal of resentment. But I am, thankfully, internalizing the cursing to spare That Girl’s impressionable ears.