I do not like the time change.
Well, that’s not entirely true. If I am honest, it’s just the spring time change I don’t like. And that’s because anything that causes me to lose sleep IS MY SWORN ENEMY. Because I love sleep. It is my favourite and my best.
The time change will be easy enough to deal with, once the sun catches up and is once again up earlier than we are. But that will not be for some time yet, and so in the meantime, it means waking up in a dark fog once again.
We are struggling this time because we made the error of choosing to go to our friends’ house for a “family sleepover” on Saturday night. (The error was not in going to visit our friends because we had tons of fun, and we miss them. The error was the timing of said get together for fun. Because of “spring forward.”) So not only did we all stay up way too late (some of us until 4 am because we were unable to fall asleep in a strange, very quiet house), but we also had the time change to deal with. So it’s taking us awhile to get ourselves adjusted to the new time.
Good thing it is March Break for Stinkerbelle’s school. And in some ways, not so good as well.
It’s good because we have a whole week to get ourselves adjusted to the time change. But it’s not good in that we have ALL. THIS. TIME. AT HOME. And That Girl is still trying to understand time.
She’s working on telling time right now, which is good because it’s important, right? Although for her, time means about the same thing as it does to one of our cats. It’s amounts and measurement don’t yet mean anything to either of them. So while we are still talking about time on a clock, and what time her bedtime is, and what time it is now… it’s all nebulous and meaningless. I could tell her “It’s 12 parsecs until three” and she would have no better idea of the time and how it is passing than before I spoke.
Days, weeks, months… several billion times a day we talk about what day it is, what month it is, how long until something happens. And she still hasn’t got the capacity to make sense of it all. You know how I know this? When she asks me “can you help me/can you do X for me/can we go now?” and I say “In 5 minutes”… and then 30 seconds later she nags at me “Is it time yet?”
Time is meaningless to her, but I think she feels like if she knows its labels and names and units, she can master it and understand it.
Time is not meaningless to me, though. I am acutely aware of its passing, and how much of it I have at any given time. Time is an unforgiving, hard taskmaster. And this month, I have become very aware of that fact.
I am feeling like time is kicking my ass this year, because there is so much to do and so little time to do it. But where time has really kicked me around is around the fact that my daughter will be turning six next month.
I’m okay with her turning six. I am. Woo hoo! Rational conversation! More comprehension! Wooooooo! But six is also kind of a hard line in the sand, a point where things change with some finality. And one of the things we’ve had to deal with is baby stuff.
See, up to age five, kids grow and change so much, and we’ve had the good fortune of having family and friends and acquaintances give us so much clothing, supplies, toys, STUFF over the years, knowing that every kid is different and they grow at different rates and so we’ve been using all this stuff all this time.
But now, at six, there are no more boxes. Kids stay in clothes longer, they use things longer, and they wear them harder. And so it is with Stinkerbelle. And that means that no more is coming in from friends and relatives. And that’s fine, because our house is jam-packed — but that also means that now it is our turn to pass our 0-5 stuff along.
The problem is… we don’t have any friends or family having girl babies. We have nobody to pass the stuff along to.
And, if we are honest, we’ve — NO, let’s be COMPLETELY honest here, and say I HAVE — been holding on to all these things in the hope that there would be more babies in our life. Sure, the hope has been slowly fading over the years, but it was there. We had hoped for a few children, but the reality of the way our life has worked out is that, for one reason or another, there will be only one.
One absolutely wonderful, couldn’t-have-asked-for-better, funny, beautiful, precious One. But still… just one.
So I have been coming to the reality that it is time to say goodbye to all this stuff, and with it, all those hopes and dreams of never-to-be children.
So that’s been quite hard. Quite hard indeed.
We managed to find a couple of boxes full of gender-neutral things to give to our friend Vicki, who very recently had her first, a baby boy. But that left 16 boxes of decidedly girly baby and toddler clothes and shoes in the basement, gathering dust and taking up space. And space is at a premium in this tiny, badly-constructed shoebox of a house. So it was time to get rid of it.
I got myself geared up to donate it all to the local women in crisis charity, and emailed them about it in January. They said they did not need it. And they recommended other charities in town. I did a little research, but weather and being busy with other things and my mood prevented me from following through.
But then last week BDH asked me again, for the twentieth time, to do something about the boxes. So I knew I had to, and I called and made plans. And then, being in the throes of PMS, I cried for an afternoon.
But the sun came out today, and BDH asked once again to please deal with these boxes. So I packed up the car, and That Girl, and we drove across town to finally face the future by saying goodbye to the past.
And THE DAMNED PLACE WAS CLOSED. And only open for a limited number of hours during the other days of the week.
So we came back home, and my car now sits in the driveway, jam-packed full of diaper boxes of clothes. And it will sit there for a couple more days, too, since overnight tonight we are getting smacked by yet another winter storm. So it will have to wait until I have time again to deal with driving them to another, different, charity.
I found the time to make a significant change in our life, or at least in my thinking and feelings. I was ready to spring forward with the time change! It was time to make a change! And other metaphors!
Although they say that time waits for no man, and a change is going to come, and all that… it’s not going to happen today. And tomorrow’s not looking good either.
I am not a big fan of the time change. And sometimes I’m not a big fan of how time makes us change.