Let’s see how high I am registering on the FAIL-o-meter this week.
- Meat FAIL: On Fridays, generally speaking, Stinkerbelle and I have time to go pick up some groceries in the morning. But last week, we had Thursday free, so we went and got them on Thursday. I am big on stocking up when there is a sale, so I bought extra chicken and ground beef, some for meals during the week and some bound for the freezer. Stinkerbelle likes to help put the groceries away, but it CAN get a bit frazzled as she is somewhat random with cans going in the fridge and produce plopped onto the playroom floor and the like. (And let’s not even talk about the times she tries to put away glass jars. Ahem.) So, I try to put things away as expeditiously as possible, and so I put the meat in the fridge to be divided out and put away later. Except… the meat got put in the vegetable crisper, which, in rooting through the fridge later in the day, got covered by a package of lettuce. Where it sat. All week. During a busy week. Until dinnertime last night where I was suddenly overcome with the horror of realization that I had forgotten about it. It was, say, 5 days past its best before date, and when I finally retrieved it, it was looking pretty nasty. So, there’s 20 bucks dumped in the garbage.
- Shopping FAIL: The yarn factory outlet about an hour’s drive from here is known for its awesome warehouse/tent sales, which happen every four months or so, and one of which is happening right now. I have heard about this place for YEARS, but never went. However, I work about 20 minutes away, so yesterday I figured that after work, I’d pick up That Girl from her sitter and we’d take a little detour over to get some yarn and needles. I picked her up, and off we went, along the most desolate and sloppy roads in all of Mennonite country. But we made our way there, and I carried Stinkerbelle through the mud of the parking lot, ready to BUY ALL THE THINGS. And when we went in, we found… A ROOM SMALLER THAN OUR LOCAL YARN STORE. With some sales, yes, but on a very limited variety of yarns and colours, hardly any needles, and a few bins of outrageously good deals on mill ends of yarn that I couldn’t really care less about because I already have a metric ton of cotton and acrylic THANKYOUVERYMUCH. And then I made Stinkerbelle sit patiently, sweating, while I bought yarn I didn’t really want or need. Thankfully, it was cheap, because I bought EIGHT POUNDS OF IT.
- Directional FAIL: So, I went driving all over Christendom yesterday to buy yarn I didn’t really want, yeah? And then, I came home, and as I was on a busyish highway around rush hour, I decided to take a back road which I normally take to and from work and that is never busy. It just required a little detour over to the east of the road I was on at the time. Except I missed the turn. So I took the next one, which was A SWAMP through WELL FERTILIZED FARM COUNTRY. And now? My car looks like a mudball. I would expect someone to write WASH ME in the layers of dirt caked on doors and windows, except for the fact that it’s dirt from farm country and is probably liberally scented with Eau de Sheep Turd.
- Hair FAIL: My kid has longish and very, VERY thick hair. We have a routine wherein swimming class happens on Tuesday mornings, and after nap on Tuesday afternoon, she has some tub time and I wash and condition her hair. Then, I put some TV on the laptop and sit her in her chair with a few snacks and a drink, and I take the hour and a half or so it takes to do her hair. The style generally lasts the week, better with styles where I put little clips in to combat the flyaways. But the longevity of a style is helped tremendously by the fact that Stinkerbelle has always worn a satin sleep cap. She LOVES her cap, and will wake up and cry if it somehow comes off in the middle of the night. But, last night, after a long day and short nap, it was my job to put That Girl to bed, and she was more than willing to go. And we BOTH forgot about her hat, for, like, the first time in YEARS. And it was only this morning, when BDH got her up, that we all noticed she hadn’t worn it. Well, that and the FUZZBALL HAIRDO.
- Decorum FAIL: This morning, Stinkerbelle and I went grocery shopping. It was busy. Stinkerbelle visited with her public as we strolled through the store. She and I talked about what we had to buy together. We sang the odd snippet of songs we heard over the noisebox. Occasionally Stinkerbelle danced. And I chatted with our former neighbour who I happened upon in the dairy aisle. At which point, one of the staff we usually see came along and said, “I knew you guys were here. I COULD HEAR YOUR VOICE ALL THE WAY OVER THERE” (as she pointed to aisles far and wide and nowhere near where we were standing.) So what you are saying, Nancy, is that I am loud and I talk too much, am I right? And that my kid takes after me? GREEEEAAAAT. KTHXBAI.