Bad Touch

So, I have posted in the past about how Stinkerbelle loves her kitty Duncan, and how they are OMG BEST FRIENDS 4EVAH. In the beginning, it was about how Duncan had decided Stinkerbelle was His Baby, and would sleep outside her bedroom door (which he still does) and, occasionally, steal her toys.

Then, the tables turned, and suddenly That Girl was All. About. Her Kitty. She would call him, and follow him everywhere, and play with him. And, occasionally, steal his toys.

Well, they are best buddies, and that’s a fact. Well, except the other night, when he snuck into her room when we were checking up on her, and got stuck in there for a few hours, and then jumped up on her bed to sleep. And she was all WAKE ME AT YOUR PERIL YOU FELINE BASTARD.

So friendship has its limits. But the boundaries can be, if you pardon the pun, fuzzy.

This morning, Stinkerbelle and I were preparing to head out for a quick trip to the store. Yesterday, she began to sneeze and cough and by nighttime, her cold was full blown. So last night, when I put her to bed, I filled her humidifier reservoir and put it on for the night.

It’s the first time we’d used it this year, and, like everything involving water in this city, it died a slow, gunked-up death. The mineral buildup from our very tasty yet crazy hard water caused it to leak during the night, and so we binned it this morning. So we needed a new one.

Anyway, we were getting our gear on to go out to the store this morning, shoes and coats and such, and Duncan came by. He climbed up on a step to watch. And Stinkerbelle called out to him, “Bye, Duncan”.

And then she walked over and began hugging him. “BYE, DUNCAN! BYYYYYYEEEE!”

He was very tolerant, for a cat. He sat there with a look of mild disdain on his face, fur all fuzzed up backwards where she was hugging on him, eyes slightly bulging from the squeezing, as she called out her goodbyes. “Bye Dunc! See you later! Byeeee! Drive safe!”

Nobody knew what was coming next, least of all Duncan.

For Stinkerbelle, in her love for her bestest kitty friend, grabbed him about the head and neck, and PLANTED A KISS on him. RIGHT SMACK ON THE LIPS.

He sat there, stunned, for a moment, with a look of OH MY DOG WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED on his face. And then, he shook himself and ran off, with wild eyes. “NOOO! NO! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!!!”

It was like one of those moments in Peanuts, where Snoopy kisses Lucy, and she’s all “AAAAUUUGH DOG GERMS! GET THE DISINFECTANT!” If he could have spit and sputtered, he would have done.

And I have to tell you? I DIED. I laughed so hard I could not breathe. I CRIED from the laughing.

Stinkerbelle giggled and then carried on about her business.

Duncan, however, sat in the middle of the playroom floor, staring off into space. Looking stunned and slightly traumatized.

And somewhere in the house, Lucy and Cinnamon, who have endured YEARS of his chasing them and harassing them and his general being a weenie boy cat-ness… somewhere, they are LAUGHING THEIR FUZZY ASSES OFF.

4 thoughts on “Bad Touch

  1. My 9 month old loves her kitty as well – she takes any chance she can get to wrap her arms around him and give him kisses all over his fur. For the most part he just makes that worried kitty whimper and gives me the wide-eyed ‘save me’ look.

  2. I am late commenting, but as a kitty person and dr to kitties, this made me almost pee myself laughing!! I can JUST imagine poor Duncan’s face!! I was at a clients house and got the cat death glare after I patted the kitty’s chubby belly, this is ALSO a bad touch!!! Thanks (again) for the laugh!!!!!

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