Time Passages

And WHY, you are asking yourself, would I reference one of the worst songs in recorded history in my post title? I dunno. I felt like it. Plus, now that I’ve mentioned it, some of you have the earworm. You’re welcome.

But, D00DZ. It is just one of those weeks. Earthquakes on the East Coast. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria!

(Okay, so… maybe not so much the human sacrifice. But definitely the other stuff.)

ANYWAY…

The world, it is changing and things are happening all over. You can’t stop it. And, as evidence of this, I give you Exhibit A: Yours truly.

(Note: Not to scale. Also, my head’s not really little and squished.)

Ahem.

So. Today, while there was APPARENTLY AN EARTHQUAKE… I didn’t notice. NOT A THING. Rien. Nada. Bupkus.

And just WHAT, you might ask, what was I doing?

Cruising the Toys Backwards R Us website (the clearance section, OBVS) FOR… wait for it… A BACKPACK FOR MY DAUGHTER.

WHO IS STARTING SCHOOL NEXT MONTH.

I know. Shocking. I should have gotten you to sit down first.

And alright, it’s PRESCHOOL, but STILL. SCHOOL.

My tiny little newborn-sized baby has suddenly all grown up and is GOING TO SCHOOL.

When did all this happen? What was I DOING???

Yesterday, we walked the kilometre or so to her school and paid her fees. And the whole way, we talked about school, and how she would go and meet new friends, and who her teachers were, and about being at school without Mom, by herself, and all that. And she was all YEP WHATEVER MOM.

Possibly she had me on Ignore. Likely, she didn’t understand any of it. Or didn’t much care.

But I did. And I have to say, it’s kind of bittersweet.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I want everyone to hear this now: I AM TOTALLY EXCITED AND JAZZED ABOUT MY KID GOING TO SCHOOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME? TWO HOURS IN THE MORNING TO MYSELF OMG I COULD GO TO THE DOCTOR OR GET NEW GLASSES OR MAYBE EVEN DO SOME ACTUAL PAYING WORK.

So, that’s not the problem. I am so thrilled seeing her grow and learn and seeing the awesome, way cool person she is becoming.

But part of me is sad to say goodbye to the baby times. Because, let’s face it, we hit the jackpot, baby-wise. The kid has been a dream come true in so many, many ways.

But now she is older. And we have to say goodbye to some of those things.

And unlike so many other families, having another baby is most probably not going to happen. By birth or adoption, it does not look to be in the cards, for a number or reasons. So we kind of have to make peace with that, too. (In that respect, it’s a good thing we have a kid with personality to spare to always show us we’re not missing too much.)

So… that’s hard. Up to now, it’s been theoretical. It WILL happen… sometime. But this summer, of potty training, and Big Girl Beds, and now getting ready for School… Now, it’s all happening.

Time is passing. And you begin to realize, it really IS fleeting.

I started to become aware of it in the spring, while we were beginning to plan for her support workers for preschool, and finishing up paperwork, and facing the stuff to come. So I decided to try to enjoy our summer together. There was not a lot planned, so we did stuff. We went for walks. We talked and danced and played. We spent time in the pool.

I tried to enjoy her company. I tried to cherish moments. I tried to capture things she said, and remember things she did. I tried to lock the feelings at those moments away in my heart.

Because I knew once they were gone, they were gone.

And it was nice. I really did enjoy a long, slow summer with my girl. It was nice.

Alas, time still passes. That Girl is still growing and changing. The world is still happening.

But unlike the earthquake today… I felt it.