Aug
1
So, you may have noticed that I took a bit of a break. I’ve been here, just not posting much except our weekend photos.
I’ve had a bit of a hard time, having a good old-fashioned existential crisis, like every parent has every now and again. I’ve been stressing about stuff, and feeling isolated, and struggling. I’ve had a couple of challenging, tiring, hard weeks.
And I generally don’t feel it’s something to write about on The Internets necessarily. Not everything needs to be put out there for public consumption. I try not to be that Drama Llama Mama.
But the reality for everyone is that the challenging times happen. And you just put your head down, and you work through it. You cry, and you bitch and moan, and you work through it as best you can. And you don’t take yourself too seriously. And eventually, like every other down time in life, you come out the other side.
You try to learn some lessons.
I learned that my kid does indeed have significant language delays. I admitted that I need to recognize that it’s not my fault. And I learned that since it’s not my fault I shouldn’t take the therapy and the discussion and the exercises personally when they happen. And that this stuff doesn’t show what she CAN do and what She DOES know and What she DOES understand, and I have to bear that in mind. And I decided that she’s happy and healthy and talks and sings all the livelong day and that this was the most important thing, and that she will catch up eventually.
I learned that my kid’s oral-motor issues will take time and patience. I recognized that I have to dig deep and continue to find that reserve of patience, and that capacity to think creatively at mealtime. And I can’t show my frustration to this beautiful child who wants nothing more in the world than to please me, because it is NOT HER FAULT. I learned that it’s a challenge that we’re just going to have to continue to roll with. And I still have to learn how to advocate better for more effective help for her.
I learned that conventional milestones can bite me. And that anyone who questions why we do what we do when we do it, just because it doesn’t fit with their arbitrary milestones or expectations of conventional behaviour or whatever, can just fucking bite me too.
I learned that feeling isolated and alone passes. I recognized that I have to share the burden with my husband. I admitted that I have to find some ways to make friends and get out of the house and make myself happy.
And I reconfirmed what I’ve always known — that by comparison to what I know other people are dealing with, or what challenges I observe other parents facing, or the myriad other things that could cause stress and difficulty in my life… this stuff is minor. Easy peasy.
Perspective. It is important to get some.
And now, at the other end, I realize the good things that happen during the hard times.
My kid is doing great at using the potty, with only a few accidents here and there.
Her language production is growing by leaps and bounds and I think her comprehension is way beyond what we believed it to be. But what’s important is making sure we understand each other and are patient with each other when trying to communicate.
She’s really, really trying to eat what is put in front of her, even if it’s just to venture a taste. And she’s working really hard to chew and swallow as best she can what she feels she can eat, which is huge. And I have tried to just go with it and blend up the challenging stuff and not letting it feel like failure.
She loves her big girl bed and goes to sleep without fuss. Waiting until she was better able to comprehend the change and the new rules was absolutely the right idea.
The bottom line is, no matter what the challenges, our daughter is the greatest thing to ever happen to us. She is and healthy and happy and bright and funny and beautiful. We fall madly in love with her over and over again, a hundred times a day. She makes us better people, and she has filled our lives and our home and our hearts with love.
Just have to keep it all in perspective, is all. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but it sure does make life happier and easier to roll with if we can.
