May
16
A couple of years ago, when the whole “new mom” thing was all new and OMG OH HOLY HELL WHAT HAVE I DONE, I thought it might be a good idea to look into some Buddhist philosophy. I thought if I could embrace something peaceful and get some guidance from Buddhism, I could give myself a basis to help me gain some equilibrium in my life, find some peace, and be a good mom.
Yeah, so a couple of years later… It’s fair to say, I totally failed at that. Big, fat, whopping FAIL.
For one thing, I think it’s kind of naive to say “Hello! Today I will embrace a new philosophy of how I live my life! And it will be magical and fix me! TA DA! And then after that, I’ll go to the mall!”
For another, I’m lazy. I don’t want to have to try that hard.
Needless to say, the whole Buddhism thing didn’t stick. But I did some reading and listened to some podcasts and tried to embrace what I could before I totally bailed. And there was a lot of good stuff, believe me. I just wasn’t into it at the time. But I took away what I could. And some of it has been helpful.
But one of the best things I tried was meditation. Now, the good thing about empty-headed naivete is that you just give things a try. So I thought, “Meh, what the heck? Could be good.” And I gave it a try.
Let’s think about this, really, people. I’m SHOUTY. I’m ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’m… well, ME. Did you HONESTLY think it would work for me? No. Of course not. Me, sitting quietly and still for an extended period of time? I THINK NOT.
But here’s the thing: What I learned in that period of time about meditation actually HAS benefitted me. Almost every day, in fact. And I think it has made me a more patient and more relaxed person.
Now, I’m not getting all airy fairy, New Age-y on you or anything. I’m not going to tell you to go our and buy Enya CDs and incense burners or whatever. NO NO. But, I guess what I’m saying is, I was pleasantly surprised at what I COULD take away from trying it.
The reason is, I think, because the podcast I chose to teach me was totally realistic about learning how to meditate. And it was honest about the fact that it takes practice and time, and to start slowly.
So, here’s what they taught me. First, find yourself a quiet space, and set a timer to come on quietly, maybe after five minutes. Sit comfortably and upright. Maybe in a chair, maybe cross-legged on the floor. As you’re sitting there, slowly begin to relax your muscles and limbs. Like, start from the extremities and move in, or from the top of your head downwards, and just think about relaxing everything, slowly. Relax things like the muscles in your face. Your tongue. Just everything.
Once you’re feeling like you’re relaxed and comfortable, start thinking about your breathing. Focus on each breath. When you breathe in, think “In”. When you breathe out, think “Out”. Start to focus on only that. Just in, and then out. If other thoughts come into your brain, acknowledge them, but then go right back to your next breath. Don’t stress if other thoughts wander in, but don’t dwell on them either. Just put them aside, and go back to thinking about your breath. In. Out. In. Out. Focus on this until that is all you are thinking about.
When the timer tells you, take your time refocusing your thoughts and getting back up.
That’s all it takes, to start with. Five minutes in a quiet room. If you get into it, you can increase your time. Ten, fifteen minutes. But to start, five minutes is all you need. It’s like that savasana pose at the end of a yoga session, but more.
Seems pretty simple, right? It’s not. It DOES take practice to NOT think. But once you get going, it’s really quite relaxing. And I find that, even though I don’t do it the way we often THINK meditation should be — you know, really seriously for long periods of time in some Zen temple space or whatever — it really has done a great deal for me. Just a couple of minutes of quiet.
I whip out the old meditation time whenever I need it. When I am stressing, I can use it as a way to decompress. When I am frustrated with parenting or irritated by family stuff, I can stop what I am doing and breathe and get calm. When I am having trouble sleeping, I will do it while lying in bed to relax me completely — and then doze off. (Yeah, it’s not EXACTLY sitting up and meditating. But it does the job.) And you can bet your sweet bippy that I’ll be OH MY DOG MEDITATE MEDITATE MEDITATE during take off and landing when we go on vacation. (I am not the best airplane traveller.)
Just the simple act of clearing your mind and calming your breathing can do wonders.
And by taking five minutes to go to a quiet space, during naptime or before bed or whatever, I am taking five minutes FOR ME. It’s very selfish in that respect. But the plus is that it makes me a better, calmer person when I need it. But it is MINE.
Will I practice, and become better at it, and mediate for longer periods of time? Maybe someday. Not now. Certainly not anytime soon. But for my life, right now, that five minutes I CAN take, when I need it? Is GOLDEN.
So. There you go. My foray into Eastern Philosophy was only a MOSTLY total bust. I did learn a lot, and I got a very valuable, easy-to-use five minute fix-me-up out of the deal.
Try it, if you are interested, and maybe you’ll get more out of it than me. Or maybe not. But hey, you’ve tried something new! And look! Not an Enya CD in sight.
