Random Tuesday: That Was The Week That Was Edition


I know it is Tuesday. You know how I know? Because I have no plan. Perhaps we’ll go for a walk! Let’s make banana bread! OH! Maybe not.

It just happens whether I like it or not.

I AM actually making banana bread, however.

  • Stinkerbelle has a little friend at her gym class. Her name is Isla. She’s just the cutest Cindy-Lou-Who-type kid ever. Quiet, speaks in burbles, and has chubby little fingers like sausages. Anyway, she’s at least a year younger than Stinkerbelle, and yet? Loves her. LOVES! HER! It all started last semester when Isla was still in the babies’ class, which was the session before ours. She would come out of her class and just come and plop down in front of Stinkerbelle and just stare adoringly at her. Occasionally, she tried to touch That Girl’s hair clips. But mostly just stared. And this semester, they are in THE SAME CLASS. Isla’s a little older and wiser, of course, but still LOVES Stinkerbelle and follows her everywhere. Today, they were holding hands and running around the foyer before class. But what Isla loves best is that That Girl will FOLLOW HER. Isla’s always the youngest and the littlest and is consequently always the chaser instead of the chasee. But at the Gym, with HER BFF FOREVAH Stinkerbelle? SHE can run and be chased. It is the BEST! TIME! EVAH! Plus, it’s a huge bonus for me that Isla’s mom is awesome and we get along well. I will be sad to see the end of the semester because we will be moving on to another class and Isla’s mom will be going back to work.
  • Parenting Fail of the Week Award (Or is it Parenting WIN?): I took That Girl out for a walk in the woods today. It seemed like a great idea. Sunny and warm, with a breeze to keep away any of the bugs that might be venturing out for their spring feast. But as we got about 50 yards into the woods, it became clear that this plan was VERY VERY NOT GOOD. Because, did I mention, our woods is a watershed conservation area? This roughly translates to OMG SWAMP AND MUD. Well, in the spring anyway. Both Stinkerbelle and I got stuck in the mud and had water flowing into our shoes and big muddy splashes up our pants legs. I ended up laughing my arse off because there we were, swamped, with nowhere to step that was not gushy and mucky. So, there was nothing left to do but turn around and head back home. I didn’t mind that we were getting filthy dirty, and it was pretty hilarious, seeing her tromp off merrily through the mud, but I didn’t want That Girl to go too far with cold, wet feet, and she was so sad to have to go back home. So we got home and tossed everything in the washer. Mud washes out, mostly. And Stinkerbelle got some fresh air and had some fun and got her first real soaker.
  • Our house is now eleven years old, and it’s starting to show some wear. Specifically, the cheap-ass shingles on the roof are starting to break off and curl up. So, this year we have to bite the bullet and get our roof redone. It will cost us. A LOT. Maybe. We honestly don’t know. We’re waiting for a quote right now, actually. I called someone yesterday to get a quote and he said he’d have it to us today. And I tell you, since that call at 12:30 pm yesterday we’ve been on tenterhooks. HAS HE COME YET? DO WE HAVE A QUOTE YET? OMG HOW MUCH HOW MUCH HOW MUCH??? So that’s been… weird. We’ve been eyeballing the roof for the past year or two, knowing this was coming, and have put aside some money to take care of it. Now it’s just the OMG LETS DO THIS ALREADY bit. I’ll be glad when it’s all done and we can forget about it for another ten years.
  • One of  the… okay, let’s be honest, THE ONLY local yarn store I frequent is going out of business. So we went in to get some cheap ass discounted going-out-of-business-everything-must-go yarn on the weekend. Now, I don’t knit with nice yarn, generally speaking. And I only knit with worsted weight yarn. So this weekend I thought I AM GOING TO BUY SOMETHING NEW AND TRY SOMETHING NEW HOW EXCITING. And after spending an hour in a busy, hot yarn store with a squirmy toddler and a ridiculously patient husband, I bagged my weight in yarn. So off we went to the two tills at the front of the store, each of which has a random queue in front of it. And we waited, patiently. We entertained a hot and tired Stinkerbelle, who was admittedly VERY well behaved for a three year old in a hot boring store. We got to the front of one line, put our stuff up on the table, and are about to be rung in, and then we hear SOME OLD BITCH OFF TO THE SIDE SOMEWHERE WHO ISN’T EVEN IN A FUCKING LINE bellow “I BELIEVE I WAS NEXT!”. Now, ladies, generally speaking, BDH and I are very polite out in public and very friendly to people we meet. And we’re not usually in the habit of beating up the elderly. But oh holy hell, we were *THIS CLOSE* to laying a smackdown on that withered old crone’s ass. Had it not been for the incredulous looks of the other shoppers, who all went out of their way to offer us their spots in line, I tell you solemnly, the money I spent on yarn? Would have been used for bail money.
  • Also, on Saturday? We got some kids arrested. The douchebag university students across the street threw a house party, and they invited all their douchebag friends. And one carload of douchebags pulls up, music blaring, and parks erratically across our neighbours’ driveway across the street. The douchebag occupants of said car then get out, proceed to get booze out of the trunk, and start drinking in the car. All the while, the music is blaring and they’re shouting their fool heads off. And occasionally getting out to dance around and get more booze. So, what did we old farts do? We called the cops. And about 15 minutes later, a big ass mofo black police stealth truck pulls up behind this douchebag car and OMG BUSTED. But the bonus? Was that they got dinged for possession as well because they had some pot in the car, too. It was like an episode of (Insert Name of Cop Show That I Don’t Watch Here Because It Didn’t Really Qualify As “Homicide: Life On The Street” Or “Law & Order” But It Was Still Pretty Fricking Awesome). Good doG how I love Neighbour Watching. And by the way HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN.
  • Remember I said I was making banana bread? Well, it’s actually banana chocolate chip bread. And it’s done now. Envy me.

14 thoughts on “Random Tuesday: That Was The Week That Was Edition

  1. Haha, you live in the most entertaining neighbourhood ever!!! I love watching stupid kids get busted – once saw a kid get chased across a park by a cop still in the cruiser, kid never thought to drop the dang case of beer! That is a lot of weight to carry when you are being chased.

    Oh, and that was not a parenting fail – I say it was a super fun romp in the mud with Mom!

    • @Kendra — I knew you’d approve of the walk in the mud! I was secretly OMG THIS IS AWESOME AND WIN my own self. And would have kept going too, except for small wet cold feet.

      I tell you, between the stupid university kids, naked and sexin’ neighbours, and The Mayor and his antics… it’s never boring around here!

  2. Mud = Win

    Also a win? Not harming a harpy. No matter how much you wanted to. And for the trifecta – a bust.

    All around good parenting. Even if the neighbour kid types don’t think so.

    • @Jade — Hey, the trifecta of WIN! Yeah, if the neighbour kid yahoos had just gone in the house and quietly partied in there, I don’t care what they do. But smoking up and drinking behind the wheel of a car? Stupid. Not cool. So… CRANKY OLD MOM TO THE RESCUE!

      Now all I need is a superhero cape. NO WAIT. Capes are bad. I’ve seen The Incredibles.

  3. No Capes!

    I call the cops on stupid teens at our bus stop all the time. I feel so bad for the potential bus driver, so I save them the hassle. Also disrupted a potential rape situation once. Very proud of that one. About 3 guys and one very drunk 15 year old girl. So not cool.

    When the teens are just partying too loud next door…I just wear my frumpiest, ugliest house coat, make sure my hair is a mess, throw on fuzzy slippers, and then shuffle over, yawn, and tell them that when they wake my kids up they will take care of them.

    Works every time… Hee hee.

    And I ENVY the banana bread so much I may have to make some now.

    And the mud is a massive WIN. Love it.

  4. I heart you! And I was going to say “I heart Edina” but then realized you meant Edna who is great but I heart Edina more (Absolutely Fabulous) because she would go over thinking she is all looking fab and drunk and it would be HI-larious!

    Right! Off to watch some “Absolutely Fabulous”!

  5. Made banana bread over here too. Just thought I would let you know that you started a banana bread revolution that is sweeping the nation.

    Also, there has been a call on my blog for a post on the fine art of cussing, from you.

    • @Tova — Well if not, I vote for Sodmothering Arsebadgering Twunt. Or SAT for short.

      Unless maybe one is not bitter about exes. In which case, I shall have to try to put my pleasant hat on.

  6. I love it! Thank you for making me smile. you have no idea how valuable smiles are to me these days. 🙂 I don’t prefer to call it bitter. Maybe unpleasantly unsurprised.

    • @Keltie — You’re welcome! And I am sorry that the smiles are few and far between for you these days. I hope things get better. Soon.

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