Rules of Engagement

When your (almost) three year old demands that you make cookies with her, be aware that there are some very serious Rules of Engagement. Commit them to memory. Learn them well. Be prepared.

1. Always pick something simple. Peanut butter. Chocolate chip. Sugar cookies. Anything more elaborate and you are asking for trouble.

2. Do NOT let your child handle a measuring type device while she is in proximity to both the mixing bowl AND the sink. The transfer of substances between the two via said measuring device may prove detrimental to your recipe.

3. Prepare to act quickly to limit the contamination of your dough. KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS. If your child starts muttering about “KWEENEX”, then time is of the essence. If a child is saying ‘DEE-YISHUS!” while your back is turned, YOU MAY ALREADY BE TOO LATE.

4. Do not expect that your cookies will bear any resemblance in texture or form to any previous incarnation of said cookie. In fact, be prepared for variance between individual cookies.

5. Just because your child has moved into The Temple of Elmo, all the while insisting “WE COMIN BACK”, be prepared to finish any unfinished tasks on your own. This is especially true of cleanup.

The most important of all:

6. If there is unmixed flour in your KitchenAid, NEVER take your eyes off your child. FOR EVEN A MILLISECOND. In the blink of an eye, a child can switch it from “OFF” to ‘WARP FACTOR 10″. At that point, it is too late to stop the flour from being FLOOFED ALL OVER YOUR KITCHEN.

DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

(On the bright side, we now have a batch of mostly edible peanut butter cookies in the house.)