I have decided after a long day that I am going to lock the door, and hide from the world for a little while. It’s true.
Because the world is full of OMFG NUTSO PSYCHO DRIVERS. And those that are not driving like nutsos and psychos? Have LICE.
Thursday is my driving day. I have to commute for an hour each way, and most mornings it is pretty enjoyable. I drive through town which is NO FUN NO for about 20 minutes or so, depending on rush hour traffic, but after that it’s a drive north through the country.
Once you get out of town and the people who try to pass you from the right-hand turn lane AT A STOPLIGHT, it’s actually quite nice. I put the radio on. I sing with That Baby. I can calm down and it’s not a bad drive. But the drive home? A different story.
There are more people on the road after 2 pm than there are at 9 am, and they’re all fucking NUTS. Old men who drive 30 km/h through town, and accelerate to WHOA CRAZY TALK 70 km/h on the 80 km/h highway, but when you go to pass them, get all PEDAL TO THE FLOOR so you can’t pass them because DOG FORBID they have to drive BEHIND someone.
There’s also a ridiculous number of school buses on the road, who all wait until you are a metre and a half from them in the opposite direction before turning on their flashers, and then honking like hell because you can’t just slam on the breaks and stop.
Or the people who think that two lanes in the city mean OH MY DOG IT’S A RACE SOMEONE MIGHT GET IN FRONT OF ME IN MY LANE. These are usually women drivers in SUVs. I hate women in SUVs.
And then there are the Mennonites driving their horses and buggies ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. Let me tell you, without signals? It’s hard to tell if a horse and wagon is making a wide right turn or LURCHING OUT INTO THE HIGHWAY OMG IS THAT HORSE BOLTING AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGH.
Oh, wait, no… wide right turn. AGAIN. Phew.
So, this gets a lot more stressful when my daughter falls asleep in the back seat on the drive home from work, and so I have to drive around for half an hour or an hour longer so she can get a decent nap in. And a giant black cloud comes and parks itself over the region and sends torrents of rain down on your little car. And hail. Don’t forget the hail.
But that’s okay. We’re home safe and sound now. I can lock the door and hide from the world.
And spend the evening fretting because That Baby’s sitter mentioned, just before we were leaving, that SOME OF THE KIDS SHE BABYSITS HAVE LICE.
::flail! flail! flail!::
So, there’s a fun night ahead of us. Coming down from stressed-out commuting. And freaking out with psychosomatic head itchiness.
I may drink. I have not decided.