Say What?

Things you never imagine you will say in your lifetime, until you become a parent:

• “Do NOT lick that toilet.”
• “I want to punch that octopus right in the head.”
• “Please don’t stick your finger in my nose.”
• “Um, I can’t be sure, but I think she just pooped on my arm.”
• “Okay. So we’re getting cynical about Sesame Street now?”
• “Ooh, that poop must’ve HURT.”
• “And I realized, there are boogers all over the sheets.”
• “I think one of the prerequisites of being a children’s entertainer should be that you have to have a reflection.”
• “Okay, nobody needs to see that except you and your doctor.”
• “Yeah, she’s fine. She belched twice, farted, and then fell face first on my shoulder.”
• “Where are your PANTS??” (Okay, some of us remember that one from university.)