Nap: A Drama in Three Acts

Act 1
Midmorning. The playroom.

Baby: *yawn*
Mommy: Oh, you are tired. Here’s your bottle. And then you can nap.
Baby: *drinks bottle*
Mommy:
Okay, time for a nap.
Baby: WAAAAAH! (translation: “I’m not tired!”)
Mommy:
Okay, fine. Wear yourself out then.
Baby: *faffing about*
Baby: *yawn*
Mommy: See? You’re tired. Time for a nap.
Baby: WAAAAAH! (translation: “I’m not tired, damn you!”)
Mommy: Okay, fine. Wear yourself out then.
Baby: *faffing about*
Baby: *yawn*
Baby: *rubs eyes*
Mommy: SEE? You ARE tired. Time for a nap.
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAH! (translation: “For the love of doG, woman, shut UP with the NAP already!”)
Mommy: Look. YOU. ARE. TIRED. Why don’t you just try lying down in your crib and see?
Baby: *screams blue murder*
Mommy: ALRIGHT. FINE! STAY UP! SEE IF I CARE!
Mommy: You might as well have some lunch then, since you’re not going to sleep. Pardon me while I bang my head on the table for awhile, okay?

Act 2
Sometime after lunch.

Baby: *yawn*
Mommy: OH NO. You’re not fooling me. I’m on to your little game, Missy.
Baby: *rubs eyes*
Mommy: I am unmoved.
Baby: *flails about in a tired fashion*
Mommy: See how I sit here not fussing at you?
Baby: *buries face in blanket*
Mommy: Do not toy with my emotions.
Baby: *wails for no apparent reason*
Mommy: You sit there and work it out. I’m just going over here into the kitchen… where I am NOT making a bottle or anything…
Mommy: *leaves*
Baby: *wails*
Mommy: *returns with bottle*
Baby: *spies bottle*
Baby: WAAAAH! (translation: “WANT!!!”)
Mommy: Oh lookie here! A BOTTLE! Would you like this?
Baby: WAAAAAAH! (translation: “WANTWANTWANT!”)
Mommy: Well, you can’t hold this yourself… HEY! I have an idea! Call me crazy, but wouldn’t you be more comfy here with me? I could hold that bottle for you…
Baby: WAAAAAAH! (translation: “Pick me up, woman!”)
Mommy: *settles baby with bottle*
Baby: *drinks*
Baby: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

Act 3
Late afternoon.

Baby: *claps hands happily along to music on TV*
Mommy: See? See how much BETTER life is when you have a nap?
Baby: *ignores*

~ Fin ~

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