No. Non. Nein. Nyet. Iie. Yelem. Ne. Nej. And, even, Hapana.

We’ve started that part of the show where we are trying — TRYING — to teach our daughter the concept “No.” And mostly failing.

“No” is an important word in the parental lexicon. It’s how we teach our child what is good and bad in the world, what is safe and unsafe, and what is acceptable and unacceptable. It’s an important word for kids too, setting boundaries and limits and keeping them safe and on the right track. Developmentally, it’s the right time to start teaching her “No”, although she won’t get it, really. But it’s the right time to begin.

Problem is… nobody gave That Baby the memo.

If I had a nickel for every time I said “No” in the course of a day, I would already have enough to pay one of our monthly bills. I would guess we are even approaching mortgage payment volumes, here.

We’re working on “No” in conjuction with a delightful new habit Stinkerbelle has come up with: Spitting. Not spitting food… just accumulating a bunch of spit and spouting it out of her mouth. In charming places like the grocery store and the like. So, we thought it was time for the hard lesson of No.

Except, the only ones learning a hard lesson is her mom and dad.

She spits. We say “No” in a stern voice. She spits again. We say “No” again. Ad infinitum.

One day, it seemed like we were making some headway. We thought that she was grasping it a little bit, because she seemed to stop when we said it.

That was a nice day.

However, nowadays, when she is not completely disregarding our “No”, she smiles when we say it. Just before she spits, mind you.

So, we continue the Battle of No. It’s a tough fight. She thinks we’re quite silly, really, with all this “No” business. But I long for the day when she tires of us saying “No” all the time, and just humours us to shut us up.

That will be a good day. A spit-free day. A magical, quiet, dry day.

Until that day, I am going to see if there’s some sort of plan, or maybe a government grant, whereby we can make some money off this repeated “No” thing. Because, honestly, if we’re going to keep going, we might as well be making a little coin off it.

Even if it is just a nickel for every time I say “No”.

***bumped up since the threat of Teh Internets has been fixed.