A Warning!

Okay. I know you have read all the baby books, and all the documentation, and gotten lots of advice from people. I know I did when we first began this parenting journey.

But I am here to tell you about something that they DIDN’T tell you about. Something you should be warned about, and prepared for, and be ever watchful and ready. It wasn’t in any baby book anywhere, or in any of the adoption documentation… NOTHING. But I want you all to be prepared.

Because I have learned something that every parent should know. Something so horrifying, so terrible, so scary… that you need to know about it. And prepare yourself.

The fact is that BABIES CAN EXPLODE, SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT ANY PRIOR WARNING.

It’s true.

It happened to me today. THREE TIMES.

I know.

Now, I am sure you are thinking to yourself, “Self? That could NEVER happen to me. Not to MY CHILD. Not to this cute little bundle of love, the apple of my eye…”

OH, but it CAN.

I was comfortable in my motherhood role, happily parenting the gorgeous girl, just having an average day, and then WHAMMO. The baby just EXPLODES.

And let me tell you — IT WASN’T PRETTY.

The first time it happened, it was early this morning. We had no prior warning. We were ASLEEP, for the love of doG! There was nothing that could be done!

We walked in to the baby’s room to find the explosion had happened all over the bedding. Looks like the diaper contained some of it… but it’s a diaper, Jim, it’s not a bomb shelter! There’s only so much a diaper can take!

The next time there was a mess where the back of her onesie used to be. A little pink onesie, just minding it’s own business, when BLAM. So, so sad. *sniff* (But don’t sniff too hard.)

The third time it happened, a pair of pants AND a onesie took a direct hit to the flank. There was nothing that could be done for them, nothing. You take a hit like that, and well… it’s not pretty.

So. I am telling you this so you can be forewarned. BABIES CAN EXPLODE! Be on your guard! Be vigilant!

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

(I would have posted pictures — erm… PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE — but nobody needs to see that.)

11 thoughts on “A Warning!

  1. I’ve heard the, “What goes in must go out” theory. But I’ve gotta say – your kiddo puts out WAY more crapola than I believe is goin’ in there.

  2. Ha! Poor pink onesie. RIP

    I will tell you that there is at least one book called The Poo Bomb: Tales of Parental Terror that touches on the subject. He’s almost as funny as you!

  3. “a onesie took a direct hit to the flank” – HA HA!!

    Thanks for warning, Cinn. Note to self: always travel with a spare baby outfit.

    I had a kitten explode inside a litter box once – fortunately it was an enclosed one… unfortunately she jumped up on my bed and gave me my morning hair kneading before I opened my eyes and realized the horror. :-O

  4. perhaps you should consider double-bagging her…. what? It works when I pick up after the dog.

  5. Oh I’m so glad you’ve warned me of this occurence! I’m scared now that the explosion may get bigger with age??

    Barb

  6. I am sure I mentioned this horrific side effect of feeding children. It happened with both my girls but the oldest’s story takes the prize, I mean, the diaper was down when she exploded. Mommy took the direct hit after daddy stepped out of the way. I kid you not…there was a complete outline of mommy on the wall behind me. Glasses dripping, you get the picture. At least yours was contained. By the way, did Stinkerbelle sigh with relief and then giggle. Mine did.

  7. It was so BRAVE of you to throw yourself on The Bomb like that… sparing daddy and the surrounding area from damage…

    Do they make a Victoria Cross award for parents who get hit in the line of duty? Like, maybe, a Purple Diaper award or something?

  8. Hahaha, no award, just less cleaning up of walls, bedding, etc. Mommy just gets to jump in the shower. No biggie. I don’t think you are a truly initiated mommy unless you have been barfed on, peed on, and pooped on.

  9. Thank goodness for you sister friend. I’m throwing out the parenting books…the only stop from here on out is you guys and Stinkerbelle!

    Hee, hee…oops forgive me a giggle has escaped my luscious lips…

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