Time Change

It’s funny how things in your life tend to vanish with the onset of parenthood. And other things seem to appear or multiply.

Time is playing tricks on me.

I used to have more time. A lot more time. I had hours to spend on what had to be done, and days to finish projects. But the time I have to do things in a day is suddenly shorter, so things don’t get done. It seems I turn around and suddenly my morning has vanished, and we’re into afternoon. A half an hour nap (for catnaps are all that Stinkerbelle will do, lest she MISS SOMETHING EXCITING) comes and goes before you know it, and is hardly enough time to do all that needs to be done. And bigger projects we want to do seem to get put off to next week, next month, next year.

And now, it feels like there is more to do. Our dishwasher seems to be running more often. I have endless piles of laundry that need to get done, more laundry than I ever remember having. And it’s not just kids’ stuff, but our stuff that is piling up. The house is mostly clean, but could sure use a good vacuuming and the bathrooms would do well to be cleaned.

But then, I find I can sit and look into the eyes of this beautiful baby, and time just seems to fly by. I can be captivated by the twinkle in her eyes, the scrunchy nose when she smiles, every sweet expression on her face, and everything else seems to vanish. I can sit and listen to her find her voice and try out new sounds for hours. I spend hours on the floor, trying to find ways to get another sweet giggle or belly laugh out of her. I sit motionless, camera in hand, for an eternity, trying to capture moments in her life. I can kiss her cheeks and tickle her toes and marvel at her long lashes forever. I live to see that smile.

I don’t want to look away. I don’t want to miss a single moment. Time could pass by, moments of her life never to come again. Blink and it’s gone.

Time changes. It’s changing her. It’s changing me.