You Asked For It!

And welcome to today’s installment of “You Asked For It!”*, the show in which we ask pressing adoption-related questions of the day. Today’s episode is about TRAVEL, and is brought to you by Frazzled Adoptive Moms, Inc.. You might know them from such shows as “You DON’T Just Magically Forget That The Wait Happened!” and “How Do People Afford To Do This More Than Once?”

Okay, Bob, let’s get to today’s questions:

1. Question #1 comes to us from Ms. Anne Thrope, from Upper Middle Lower Sackville, NS. Anne writes: “Why can NOBODY agree on the size of clothing for a 5 month old, 12 pound girl?”

Well, audience, THAT’s a good question, and one we’ve struggled with for a long time. You’d THINK that a 5 month old would still be able to fit into clothes sized — apparently — for children between 0 and 6 months of age. But this may NOT be the case. Some clothes say babies weighing between 7-12 pounds will fit into clothes sized up to 6 months of age. Others say babies between 12 and 17 pounds will fit into these clothes. One thing is for sure: THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW.

And if all your baby clothes were given to you by friends, they are from all different manufacturers… that’s right, Adoptive Moms! You’re SCREWED! Our advice to you here at “You Asked For It!” is to go out and buy some clothes all made by the same manufacturer, with the appropriate weight-to-age ratio on them to fit your child. Expense be damned! Or, you can simply PACK ALL THE CLOTHES YOU OWN FOR CHILDREN BETWEEN 0 AND 12 MONTHS OF AGE.

So, no worries, Adoptive Moms! See how easy this can be?

2. Question #2 comes to us from General Connie Fusion, a military domestic science history professor out at Tuktoyaktuk University (motto: “Tuk U!!”), who asks: “How is one supposed to sterilize nipples in a hotel room in a 3rd world country? And why is it when you say the word ‘nipple’, your husband gets all giggly and/or lapses into daydreams?”

Another good question, listeners! Well, this question comes with a few options for the Intrepid Travelling Adoptive Mom.

Some would say, “bring along a small hotpot/hotplate/bottle sterilizer/microwave oven/portable camp stove”. You can set that up in your hotel room, and Bob’s your announcer, you’ve got all the nipples you can sterilize in short order! Hell’s bells, you could even roast a couple of goats if the fancy struck you (but don’t be surprised if you get a cleaning bill afterwards — it’s tough to get the smell of cumin out of the drapes).

Others would say, “Well, the little darling is FROM said country; surely you can just use tap water to wash the nipples, right?” Absolutely! Just be sure to bring along a TRUCKLOAD of diapers, rubber pants and wipes. What’s a little exploding bum action within the family, anyway?

Still others have a great method for sterilizing nipples… but they’re not telling. If they did, they’d have to kill you.

So, there you go, Adoptive Moms! The sterilized nipple is as easy as THAT!

And as for the “husbands and nipples” issue… well, boys will be boys. You think you got trouble now? Just wait ’til Dad and your little darlings gang up and play The Fart Game at the dinnertable.

Well, that’s all we have time for today, audience! Tune in again for more completely nonhelpful advice to unanswerable questions on “You Asked For It!”

*reference to Warner Brothers cartoon TOTALLY on purpose.

8 thoughts on “You Asked For It!

  1. Aah ha ha ha! I love it…you are so funny! Thanks for the laugh.

    Oh wait are you serious..he he! Take double the sleepers you need and then something is bound to fit!

    As for the “husband and nipple” issue…sigh – they just can’t help themselves.

  2. Heh – you are a very funny lady. I can’t wait to meet you in person! I second Rana’s comment about the sleepers. Or perhaps, if one of your cats is around 12 pounds, you could use a furry volunteer. If you don’t have a fat cat I have a 14-pounder I could lend you, but be warned, she may not co-operate.

  3. Sounds to me like you need some help. The size of sleeper also depends on the length of the baby. Some are short and some are tall. It sounds like she is on the tall side so forget the 0-6month size and go for the 6-12 month size. Did I confuse you more? If the sleepers are too long just get BDH to tie a knot in the toe of the sleeper and there you go. 0-6 months are really just for newborns to 3 months unless the babe is short.

  4. I love that you are going through the size thing. Welcome to one of life’s little crappy initiations into Motherhood. I feel so close to you right now.

    I SWEAR there is some secret convention where R&D departments all over the world meet to discuss ways to make a harried new mom’s life even harder. The AMUSEMENT they must have.

    Those bastards.

  5. Heehee, you are so funny….I’m going to miss you while you go pick up your daughter….and if it was for ANY OTHER reason, I would not allow you to go.

  6. I can’t stop laffing 🙂

    It was just the other day I was just pondering the wisdom (or lack of) in cleaning a nipple with local tap water.

  7. Hi Hope it’s not too late to post. Heather pointed me to your site this week, and I’ve been catching up.

    By the time you get this, it will be too late, you will have flown home with 4.5 month old bundle of wonder and delight. But hey, there’s always future teeny-tiny-travel, right?

    Hotels that have coffee makers in room are wonderful. Use them to heat the water, immerse all kinds of lovely baby eats to warm. Ziploc bags are fantastic. Things to keep cold? ZLB, ice, thing to be kept cold (inside it’s own ZLB, if necess.) and stick it in the toilet tank (the part at the back that holds the water).

    On a clothes related note – sizes mean nothing. 6 months for one is 18 months for another. Neither of the girls fit either when the age the label said. Being a girl (8 in one store, 14 in another) I’m used to this. Loving Husband was shocked. Men’s clothes follow ‘the grid’, apparently.

    Hoping your family arrives safely back in Canada,

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