And welcome to today’s installment of “You Asked For It!”*, the show in which we ask pressing adoption-related questions of the day. Today’s episode is about TRAVEL, and is brought to you by Frazzled Adoptive Moms, Inc.. You might know them from such shows as “You DON’T Just Magically Forget That The Wait Happened!” and “How Do People Afford To Do This More Than Once?”
Okay, Bob, let’s get to today’s questions:
1. Question #1 comes to us from Ms. Anne Thrope, from Upper Middle Lower Sackville, NS. Anne writes: “Why can NOBODY agree on the size of clothing for a 5 month old, 12 pound girl?”
Well, audience, THAT’s a good question, and one we’ve struggled with for a long time. You’d THINK that a 5 month old would still be able to fit into clothes sized — apparently — for children between 0 and 6 months of age. But this may NOT be the case. Some clothes say babies weighing between 7-12 pounds will fit into clothes sized up to 6 months of age. Others say babies between 12 and 17 pounds will fit into these clothes. One thing is for sure: THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW.
And if all your baby clothes were given to you by friends, they are from all different manufacturers… that’s right, Adoptive Moms! You’re SCREWED! Our advice to you here at “You Asked For It!” is to go out and buy some clothes all made by the same manufacturer, with the appropriate weight-to-age ratio on them to fit your child. Expense be damned! Or, you can simply PACK ALL THE CLOTHES YOU OWN FOR CHILDREN BETWEEN 0 AND 12 MONTHS OF AGE.
So, no worries, Adoptive Moms! See how easy this can be?
2. Question #2 comes to us from General Connie Fusion, a military domestic science history professor out at Tuktoyaktuk University (motto: “Tuk U!!”), who asks: “How is one supposed to sterilize nipples in a hotel room in a 3rd world country? And why is it when you say the word ‘nipple’, your husband gets all giggly and/or lapses into daydreams?”
Another good question, listeners! Well, this question comes with a few options for the Intrepid Travelling Adoptive Mom.
Some would say, “bring along a small hotpot/hotplate/bottle sterilizer/microwave oven/portable camp stove”. You can set that up in your hotel room, and Bob’s your announcer, you’ve got all the nipples you can sterilize in short order! Hell’s bells, you could even roast a couple of goats if the fancy struck you (but don’t be surprised if you get a cleaning bill afterwards — it’s tough to get the smell of cumin out of the drapes).
Others would say, “Well, the little darling is FROM said country; surely you can just use tap water to wash the nipples, right?” Absolutely! Just be sure to bring along a TRUCKLOAD of diapers, rubber pants and wipes. What’s a little exploding bum action within the family, anyway?
Still others have a great method for sterilizing nipples… but they’re not telling. If they did, they’d have to kill you.
So, there you go, Adoptive Moms! The sterilized nipple is as easy as THAT!
And as for the “husbands and nipples” issue… well, boys will be boys. You think you got trouble now? Just wait ’til Dad and your little darlings gang up and play The Fart Game at the dinnertable.
Well, that’s all we have time for today, audience! Tune in again for more completely nonhelpful advice to unanswerable questions on “You Asked For It!”
*reference to Warner Brothers cartoon TOTALLY on purpose.