So, here we are, two weeks away from Operation Get-On-A-Plane-And-Fly-Halfway-Around-The-World-And-Then-Suddenly-We’re-Parents.
Shocked and frazzled is a good start, no? Isn’t that how all parents start out? We’re not wigging right out yet. Oh no. We’re saving that for about two days prior to leaving. THEN we’re going to go completely outer limits.
But right now, we’re trying to organize the chaos of 18 months of odds and ends, preparing in dribs and drabs, reading this and that, on the road to Familyhood — but never REALLY feeling like it was ever ACTUALLY going to happen.
And then WHAM! Familyhood jumps up and clubs you about the head and neck. You have to suddenly start thinking in baby increments — how many pounds does a size X sleeper fit? How many bottles in a day? How many outfits can a baby dirty in a day? When did they come up with 8 different kinds of nipples for baby bottles?
It’s like I am suddenly a Twilight Zone version of myself.
So there are things I am going to need consensus on. I ask you:
– How many baby washcloths does one need for a 10-day trip?
– Is it true Baby Einstein videos will hypnotize a baby long enough to, you know, brush your teeth or something?
– Where are the child’s PANTS?
– Am I a bad parent if I let my baby hang out in a diaper and an undershirt? You know, if we’re just chillin’ out, relaxing in da crib?
– Seriously. TWELVE onesies?
– 4 oz bottles or 8 oz bottles?
– One sleeper per night is enough, right?
– What’s the best way to amuse a 5-month-old?
– Where the hell did I put all the socks?
I am so not ready for this, clearly, if it’s going to take me 2 weeks to pack for a 5-month-old.
It’s like my life is suddenly a brand-new jigsaw puzzle, just dumped out of the box and on to the table. All the pieces are there, and I know they make a pretty picture, and I am sure it’s going to be fun… I just haven’t got a clue how they all fit together.
LATER THAT DAY…
Woot! We have achieved SOCKS! Socks of varying colours and sizes have been located, and await washing. So, sock crisis averted!
But we still need pants. And a couple more 0-6 month sleepers. And a pair of shoes. And THOSE I think we must go BUY.