40 Days Update, Part 1

It’s been awhile since I updated everyone on how my 40 Days is going. So I thought today is as good a day as any.

The first promise I made to myself as part of my 40 Days of Change was to say something nice to myself in the mirror each day. And I have been doing well on that one — almost too well, in fact. The problem with this one is that you begin to believe your own hype, and it can really set you up for a fall. This is what happened to me yesterday, in fact.

I have been working out each weekday, really consistently and pretty hard. When I hurt my back 2 weeks ago, I had to give up on some of my workout, but I supplemented that with my new recumbent bike. And I’ve been riding it a lot, some days over 2 hours. And I have been looking in the mirror and beginning to believe I was making some change.

So, yesterday, it was warm, and I thought it would be a good time to pull our all my summer clothes from last year, and put on a pair of shorts. I was kind of excited about it, actually, because I was looking forward to putting them on and having them fit more comfortably than they have in awhile because I have been working so hard.

Except it didn’t go that way. In fact, quite the opposite: I can’t even button my shorts from last year.

I was so upset. How does this happen? How is it that I am exercising so much and I am just getting fatter? How is this possible?

God, how I hated myself yesterday. It was hard to find anything nice to say. And honestly, I was really confused. I really believed I WAS getting better, that I was getting fitter and looking better. And it just wasn’t true. I was just fooling myself, I guess.

But then I resigned myself to the fact that, as much as I am loathe to admit it, I am getting old. Middle age spread has set in, and I am just going to be fat from here on in. It happens to some people. And I guess it has happened to me.

So I will continue to say nice things to myself in the mirror. Change my mindset, in effect. I guess it’s a good way to make peace with who I have become.

And it was nice to like myself for awhile.

4 thoughts on “40 Days Update, Part 1

  1. Hey Cinn! I hope you still continue to like yourself…I haven’t met you in person but I know that you are one super cool gal! You are funny, witty, compassionate, supportive, creative….I could go on and on.

    I think the thing to remember is that the “40 Days of Change” is really about changing our inner workings…it is not about how we look on the outside. We are always our own worse critic…we are harder on ourselves than anyone else!

    I used to read fashion mags, tabloid rags etc. etc…then one day I said to myself “Self why do you read this poppycock” o.k. I didn’t use poppycock but you get the idea. I am tired of being told :

    1. What clothes I should wear
    2. How my hair should be (I have short hair and I like it that way)
    3. What size I should be – ummmmm no a size 0 is not normal.
    4. What I should eat – for gawd sake Posh Spice won’t even eat a cookie – can you imagine never eating cookies…I can’t!!
    5. What kind of person I should be.

    Keep up with the excercise if for no other reason than it makes you feel good…and its true…excercise is good for the soul…it is a good way to clear the mind, let out frustrations, and make the time pass while you are waiting for Mystery Baby.

    As for the clothes not fitting – I have a theory that clothes manufacturers make magical clothes that shrink after one season so that women have to buy new clothes every spring..think about it…

    Sorry for the rambling on!

    Hugs to fabulous you!

    Rana

    P.S. Have you ever watched Absolutely Fabulous – you should if you haven’t – it is hysterical.

  2. You’re right. It’s all about changing my outlook. And I WAS feeling good about myself, so I just have to keep on being kind to the mirror each day.

    And thanks… you’re a sweetie!

  3. That’s really sucky that you were feeling so good about it all and then you got a big ol’ kick in the stomach.
    But I’ll bet those shorts won’t button up because of that nice round butt of steel topped off with the six pack….those six packs take up so much room under the shirt (well at least the packs I carry).
    Ricki

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