It’s been awhile since I updated everyone on how my 40 Days is going. So I thought today is as good a day as any.
The first promise I made to myself as part of my 40 Days of Change was to say something nice to myself in the mirror each day. And I have been doing well on that one — almost too well, in fact. The problem with this one is that you begin to believe your own hype, and it can really set you up for a fall. This is what happened to me yesterday, in fact.
I have been working out each weekday, really consistently and pretty hard. When I hurt my back 2 weeks ago, I had to give up on some of my workout, but I supplemented that with my new recumbent bike. And I’ve been riding it a lot, some days over 2 hours. And I have been looking in the mirror and beginning to believe I was making some change.
So, yesterday, it was warm, and I thought it would be a good time to pull our all my summer clothes from last year, and put on a pair of shorts. I was kind of excited about it, actually, because I was looking forward to putting them on and having them fit more comfortably than they have in awhile because I have been working so hard.
Except it didn’t go that way. In fact, quite the opposite: I can’t even button my shorts from last year.
I was so upset. How does this happen? How is it that I am exercising so much and I am just getting fatter? How is this possible?
God, how I hated myself yesterday. It was hard to find anything nice to say. And honestly, I was really confused. I really believed I WAS getting better, that I was getting fitter and looking better. And it just wasn’t true. I was just fooling myself, I guess.
But then I resigned myself to the fact that, as much as I am loathe to admit it, I am getting old. Middle age spread has set in, and I am just going to be fat from here on in. It happens to some people. And I guess it has happened to me.
So I will continue to say nice things to myself in the mirror. Change my mindset, in effect. I guess it’s a good way to make peace with who I have become.
And it was nice to like myself for awhile.