Dream Analysis

Did you ever have a dream that just made you think, “Huh. Really.”

Because I had one last night and let me tell you, I am extrapolating a whole bunch of things from it.

I dreamt last night that I was at a bakery. (You can tell this is a dream because it is all written in italics.) It was run by an unpleasant sort of old man.

Now, BDH and I both pride ourselves on the fact that we are, on the whole, pleasant to service people in our day-to-day lives, because 1) they probably don’t deal with a whole lot of pleasant people in the course of a day, and it certainly doesn’t cost us anything to be nice, and b) that whole “be good to others and they will be good to you” thing. So I was nice to this old guy, but he was having none of it. I was chatting and he was just a grim-faced bastard.

But despite his cold demeanor, there were a lot of tasty-looking items in the bakery. And I am a sucker for tasty baked goods. And there were these biggish chocolate chip cookies in the display that I thought would go over well at our house (likely because earlier, before bed and in real life, BDH and I were watching a movie and thinking how good some chocolate chip cookies and milk would be.)

So, finally, I asked the old guy for a dozen of these cookies. He started to get them together into a bag, and then he started chatting with me. He told me that the cookies were not his best batch — he thought they were a little overdone. And since there were a little over a dozen and a half left, he was going to give them all to me for the cost of a dozen cookies.

Well, I was chuffed. First off, I was thinking, “Finally! The old guy’s ice is starting to melt! I have won him over with my charm and friendly manner!” because he was talking to me and all. I was giving myself, like, mental high-fives and stuff. But also, I was getting a whole bunch of cookies for the cost of a dozen — SCORE! So I was all cheerful and thanking him for being so kind and all that.

He handed me the bag of cookies.

“That will be $150,” he said.

I was stunned. But I didn’t say no, or refuse to buy them, or anything. I just handed over my credit card and paid.

And then I was walking around for the rest of the dream, fretting over the cost of these cookies. Cookies which had cost the same as a week’s groceries.

So this morning, I’m thinking to myself, “Self, this? Is a very interesting dream. A dream which could reveal much about you.” So, let’s do a little amateur dream analysis, shall we? (Like I know anything about that stuff. Or even believe in it. But whatever. It amuses me.)

1. I must make chocolate chip cookies today. This? Is certain. Priority number 1.
2. Perhaps I have an abnormally deep affection for the baked goods. Is this a warning? Are these very expensive cookies a sign that I am eating too many things that are not healthy and they are bad for me? That perhaps they will cost me a lot in life?
3. You cannot win over cranky old men. They are old, and they are cranky, and they don’t want to be not cranky. And I bet they don’t want to be not old, either. Bastards.
4. I need to work on my conflict resolution skills. I didn’t want to make a dream cranky old man mad at me or make a scene by saying I would not buy the cookies. Am I that much a sheeple, that I don’t want to offend people by saying, “No, that’s ridiculous, I will not pay for that”? I think I might be. I mean, they weren’t even their BEST COOKIES. And I was paying big. I’m such a schmuck.
5. Is this a metaphor for the big tax bills, both income and property, that I have to pay today? Well, I am paying out a lot of money, and it’s not like I am complaining to the cranky old tax man about it or refusing or anything.

Whoa. That’s deep. I’m getting really good at this dream analysis thing. Go, ME! More mental high-fives! Eat your heart out, Freud. (Okay, maybe not so much Freud. A bad example.) Take that… Jung?

Now, let’s look at BDH’s analysis of my dream.

1. “You’re so weird.”
2. “I’m not letting you go shopping alone anymore.”

He has a point.