You’d think we’d learn. But no. We stroll headlong into situations where we are willingly going to find ourselves disappointed. It’s like we are genetically programmed with a really strong stupid gene.
We have a house in which our little, elderly, often sickly cat has left her mark on the world numerous times over by peeing on the walls. Not just the walls, mind, but any vertical surface she can back her bum up to. For reasons both medical and behavioural, she’s stunk the joint up but good.
In recent years, she’s been better. Part of this is because we’ve addressed the health issues behind the peeing. Part of it is because we keep her in the luxury kitty cage for the entire night and whenever she is unsupervised, to curb the peeing but also to encourage her to eat and put some weight on. And part of it is because we watch her like a hawk and divert her whenever we think she is looking for a place to happen.
But recently, she peed in a most inconvenient place: the cat tent. Now, this is a cheap $12 nylon tent from Ikea, but the cats? They LOVE it. They have all their toys in it. They play in it all the time. (We call it “going camping”.) It is endless hours of amusement.
And Bubby peed in it. Recently. At least twice. The little bastard.
It’s disappointing when that happens because she HAS been getting better, for the most part. And we’ve been really vigilant about cleaning up after her. And we have shampooed carpets and washed walls and baseboards and, for the most part, gotten rid of the smell. Of course, cats can smell pee that is — literally — decades old. So we keep going over the same spots, trying to get rid of it all.
So today, I was out at the vet buying cat food, and I saw they had tents on sale. $30 fabric tents. Luxury camping. So I related the story of the peeing and the Ikea tent and how I want a new tent but can’t rationalize paying $30 for a tent that’ll just get puncture holes in it and barfed in and peed all over.
And the office manager mentioned a new cleaning product they had, an enzyme cleaner that they use for all their pee stink needs. Only $18. And she said that it works like a charm for them, and it’s the only thing they use.
I was skeptical.
Over the years, we have seen it ALL in terms of cleaning products when it comes to cleaning up after Opus. We’ve tried soap and water. We’ve tried Lysol. We’ve tried all sorts of household cleaners for all sorts of surfaces containing all sorts of ingredients. We’ve tried OxyClean. We’ve tried those crazy-ass orange extract-y scented cleaners. We’ve tried other enzyme cleaners. We’ve tried cleaners that basically said, right on the bottle, “LOOK. THIS CAN EVEN CLEAN UP AFTER TINY TABBIES WITH BAD ATTITUDES AND RIDICULOUSLY POTENT PEE.”
And yet? Has a single solitary one of them worked?
YOU go sit over there in the corner and take a nice long sniff, and you tell ME.
Did I just turn and walk away, safe in the knowledge of experience? Did I tell her no, and keep the 18 bucks for groceries? Did I make a deal whereby I would pay her only if it worked?
Oh no I did NOT.
I walked out of there with a big ass bottle of enzyme cleaner, with promises that if it works for the vet’s cleaning needs, it will work for US.
And I came home, and started scrubbing the tent, and wiping some walls, and testing it on stains on the carpet. It’s still early. The jury is still out.
I am not optimistic.
What a maroon.