Adoption Journey – 374 days in
I know it’s been a LONG time since I’ve talked about our adoption and how it’s going. And that’s because — quite honestly? — it hardly feels like we’re adopting anymore.
There comes a point when you’ve been waiting for so long, and heard nothing but silence from your agency for so long, that it’s almost like you think you might have imagined it all.
There comes a point when you’ve been trying to get pregnant for so long, and doing infertility treatments for so long, and waiting for your adoption to proceed for so long, and just generally trying to have a family for so long, that you just get used to being alone. Just the two of you. Waiting is normal. Silence is normal. You begin to believe that it’s just never going to happen, that you’re just never going to bring a child into your life. And it begins to feel like not having a family is normal and just how it’s going to be.
But we are, in fact, STILL adopting. And it’s been just over one year since we signed our paperwork with the agency to get the whole process underway.
People I talk to on occasion, when the topic of the adoption comes up, say, “Oh, you must be so excited!!” Because THEORETICALLY, we’re getting closer to having a child. But you know, after waiting for so long and having so few updates or definite information, it’s hard to be excited. The prospect or idea or dream of having a child is exciting, sure, but after actively waiting for — what, 4 years now, at least? — you begin to think that dream isn’t ever going to happen.
It’s just you get used to the nothingness.
There’s a void of communication. There’s a lot of silence. You can only read so much and talk about possibilities so much before your enthusiasm begins to fade.
You can’t prepare terribly well for the arrival of someone when you don’t have any idea who that someone is or how old they’re going to be. With the ever-shifting timelines, you can’t prepare for a child when you don’t know how old they’ll be or what size they’ll be or what they’ll be eating or anything. You can’t get enthusiastic about the usual things — clothes, toys, general baby STUFF — when you have no idea about your child. NONE. The age we requested when we began this process is almost certainly not what we can expect to see when this process is done. I mean, we have absolutely no idea what our child’s daily life is even like — what does he eat? where does he sleep? is he mobile? does he have toys? does he have playtime? — because goodness knows, our Agency of Silence hasn’t even told us that much, so we can’t even begin to guess on the general stuff we can begin to buy for our child.
You know that the day that your referral comes in, it will all ramp up again. You’ll kick into high gear and be excited again, because you finally HAVE SOMETHING. Something tangible to be exited about. A picture. A medical report. SOMETHING that confirms it’s really happening.
It gets to the point where telling people “any day now… REALLY” is just a big lie. Everything we thought about the process of adopting is proving to be wrong.
So, in answer to the questions: Yes. We’re still adopting. And we’ll have a child… sometime. And he — or she — will be something under the age of 18.
Beyond that… well, you know as much as I do.