The Rules: Pre-Christmas Edition

There are rules in this life.

  • If there are homemade cookies, they will get eaten.
  • Corollary: If you have plans for said cookies — gifting them, eating them yourself — sooner is better than later.
  • Telemarketers should not be surprised by rude responses, especially during dinner time, after 8 pm/kids’ bedtimes, and on weekends.
  • Corollary: Telemarketers should not be surprised that they get no responses at all if they call using an 800 number, a made-up number like 012-345-6789, or a number that shows up as “unknown”.
  • Corollary: Whoever invented call display should be knighted.
  • When it comes to pyjamas, chocolate and breakfast, the time on the clock is irrelevant.
  • Corollary: Drinking does NOT come under the above rule.
  • Corollary: Phone calls do NOT come under the above rule. Especially see “telemarketers”, above.
  • Drop-ins are never cool.
  • Corollary: See “pyjamas and time”, above.
  • Yoga is a very old Indian word, meaning “Contradiction”.*
  • Corollary: When your yoga instructor starts talking about “focus” and “being present” and “concentration”, that is when there will be interruptions.
  • Corollary: You are implored to relax in poses that require you to be upside down, supporting your entire body weight with your hands, or standing on your head.
  • Corollary: It is impossible to breathe deeply in most poses. Especially with a belly in the way.
  • “Christmas Classic” and “National Lampoon” should NEVER be in the same sentence.
  • Corollary: Almost anything containing Bing Crosby is completely fine for the holidays. Even if it’s a Western, set in Bali, or has a strange Robin Hood plotline. Or all of the above together, even.
  • Cats are non-traditional lovers of Christmas.
  • Corollary: The more you spend on something for your cat, the higher the disdain your cat will have for an item.
  • Corollary: Cats are fuzzy, mobile ornaments you can find in manger scenes, under Christmas tree skirts and in Christmas trees.
  • Corollary: Wrapping paper rules.

*Note: I totally just made that up.

2 thoughts on “The Rules: Pre-Christmas Edition

  1. Since you brought up Telemarketers……They just send me through the roof. Recently they called said they were sending a platinum card to us. I said do we have this already? Is it a replacement card? Did we ask for it? Why would we want it? We don’t want it. Excuse me ,we do not want it. Do you hear me. No thank you. You are not listening to me. We do not want it.Click. Why don’t they listen????? Then I steam for a few minutes, WHY DON’T THEY LISTEN?? But then again I never learn I keep answering the phone. I was brought up to be polite but this is just too much. All of the rest I agree with except I don’t know about cats . I will take your word for that. I guess with four cats you should be the expert.

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