Dec
13
There are rules in this life.
- If there are homemade cookies, they will get eaten.
- Corollary: If you have plans for said cookies — gifting them, eating them yourself — sooner is better than later.
- Telemarketers should not be surprised by rude responses, especially during dinner time, after 8 pm/kids’ bedtimes, and on weekends.
- Corollary: Telemarketers should not be surprised that they get no responses at all if they call using an 800 number, a made-up number like 012-345-6789, or a number that shows up as “unknown”.
- Corollary: Whoever invented call display should be knighted.
- When it comes to pyjamas, chocolate and breakfast, the time on the clock is irrelevant.
- Corollary: Drinking does NOT come under the above rule.
- Corollary: Phone calls do NOT come under the above rule. Especially see “telemarketers”, above.
- Drop-ins are never cool.
- Corollary: See “pyjamas and time”, above.
- Yoga is a very old Indian word, meaning “Contradiction”.*
- Corollary: When your yoga instructor starts talking about “focus” and “being present” and “concentration”, that is when there will be interruptions.
- Corollary: You are implored to relax in poses that require you to be upside down, supporting your entire body weight with your hands, or standing on your head.
- Corollary: It is impossible to breathe deeply in most poses. Especially with a belly in the way.
- “Christmas Classic” and “National Lampoon” should NEVER be in the same sentence.
- Corollary: Almost anything containing Bing Crosby is completely fine for the holidays. Even if it’s a Western, set in Bali, or has a strange Robin Hood plotline. Or all of the above together, even.
- Cats are non-traditional lovers of Christmas.
- Corollary: The more you spend on something for your cat, the higher the disdain your cat will have for an item.
- Corollary: Cats are fuzzy, mobile ornaments you can find in manger scenes, under Christmas tree skirts and in Christmas trees.
- Corollary: Wrapping paper rules.
*Note: I totally just made that up.
