Back on the Merry-Go-Round

Adoption Journey — Day 181

And so, we have received word that our homestudy is DONE.

Our social worker emailed to let us know that all our paperwork is in and the report is written. All that remains is to get together with the social workers and review it, have any necessary edits made, and then send it off. (And pay for it, obviously.)

I’m not as excited as I thought I’d be.

I suppose I’m kind of dreading it a little bit. One of the social workers has some fairly strong opinions, and we don’t think she’s all that fond of BDH — and unfortunately, it was her job to write up the homestudy. So we’re kind of worried about in what sort of light she will paint us. Also, I suspect there will be a negative reference in there from my side of the family, and although we fully prepared our social workers for that, it’s still going to be hard to see it on paper.

But aside from that, I am a little apprehensive about seeing all the criticisms. The social workers prepared us that it is very rare that they give an excellent evaluation, so we know that there will be things that we get a less-than-stellar grade on. But what bothers me most is the fact that I have someone else giving their interpretation of me and who I am and what I believe, and THAT is all that the various powers-that-be will have on which to base their decision about whether or not we will be allowed to adopt.

This report will be the face that is presented now and forevermore to various government agencies that hold the power to say yes or no, whether to grant or deny us a child. And it won’t show who we really are.

Where’s the part that shows BDH’s beaming face at walking into the one-day baby’s room and discovering that it already has that lovely baby smell from all the diapers and baby wash and things we’ve bought? Where does it show how good I am with kids, and how they’re drawn to me, because I talk to them like real people? Where is the part that shows how hard we have tried and how much we have given to try to have a child for these last few years? Where does it show that we are good, decent, responsible, loving people who’d make great parents, if only given a chance?

It won’t show any of that.

It’s a checklist of items and interpretations as to how we comply. It will show “yes they said this” and “no they didn’t say that” and how we fared on the black-and-white political correctness scale of reading all the proscribed articles and decrying spanking and willingness to get rid of beloved family pets. And although I am sure we passed well enough that the social workers will approve us to move forward, is it going to be good enough from here on down the line? Can it really represent these two unique people who have worked so hard in the hopes of having a family?

I hope so. We’ll see.

2 thoughts on “Back on the Merry-Go-Round

  1. I don’t know what you are going through but I know that you two have done everything that you can. This part might just be the most difficult part because it is totally out of your control. Waiting is hard. I haven’t been there but I do know that BDH is a very lovable guy – who wouldn’t love him? Maybe the social workers have to show a certain “face” to prospective parents. I don’t really know what to say except “hang in there”. It will happen.

  2. You’re probably right. I think it gets to the point where you so over-analyze things that you really don’t know what to think anymore. You want so badly for everything to go well that you over-worry about each little possible thing.

    All we can do is wait and see.

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