I have issues.
- Garbage collection: Why is it that our garbage collection is so inconsistent? I mean, surely to doG it’s not THAT complex a thing. One week, they come by at 11:30 in the morning. The next week? 10:30. The next? After noon sometime. And then, as you’re laying in bed, snoozing, you hear them come by at 7:15. Four hours difference from week to week? What can cause four hours difference in a pick up? Did a new neighbourhood just suddenly materialize out of thin air and need garbage collection? And then this morning, they picked up the other side of the street at 8:30, and our side? Still waiting. I. DON’T. GET. IT.
- People who claim outlandish allergies as a way of getting out of doing something: There are people out there who, rather than doing something they don’t like, claim they are “allergic”. Which, I have to say, annoys the hell out of someone like me who is independently keeping the antihistamine business going. I used to work with this hypochondriac nutjob who claimed she was “allergic to the cold”. PLEASE. What’s so wrong with just admitting you don’t like going out in the winter? I do it all the time. Then there was this guy who claimed to be allergic to cream cheese. All other cheeses? Just fine. Velveeta? He’s good. Dairy products in general? No problem. But bring a bagel with cream cheese near him and Oh-my-god-my-ALLERGIES. I mean, come on. You’re a grown man. Just say you don’t like cream cheese and move on, for the love of doG.
- Badly-written computer-geek-talk in movies: Not that I understand a lot of this stuff, but it makes BDH mental. Scriptwriters need to do a little more than just string techie words together, or make every computer system with a super-easy “backdoor” that is simple enough for a third-grader to hack into. If you’re going to make it up, then make it up COMPLETELY — don’t do a half-assed job of it and think it’s okay. Because honestly? BDH can’t suspend disbelief in those cases, and sometimes it makes me want to dump a bag of popcorn on his head.
- Cats who like to barf from height: Why do my cats get on the highest thing they can find before they barf? And why did it have to be the daybed with the comforter that doesn’t quite fit into my washing machine?
- People who talk about themselves in the third person: Do I really need to explain this one? Is the bizarre pretentiousness of it not self-evident? And give them five minutes in the penalty box if they are a white woman who does it while trying to sound all cool and ghetto, as in “Mary don’t like dat.” I think it should be okay to slap these people, as a public service. Hard.