Le Sigh.

It’s been one of those weekends.

It’s humid. Stinky-and-hot-like-an-armpit humid. I’m no fan of humidity, I can tell you… unless there’s a beach or a pool nearby. A day like this in Barbados, for example, would not bother me. Not one bit. But as I garden in short fits and starts, I must admit to being sorely tempted to buy one of those inflatable backyard pools.

Yesterday I went out on the porch, where there’s shade, and did some gardening. I put flowers in the many pots that I have — some for the porch, some for the patio. I was dripping with sweat. I was only out for about 45 minutes at a time before I would have to come inside to the air conditioning.

Today I moved the pots for the patio into the backyard to decorate our patio. As I stepped on to the patio to place the last one there, the pot shattered in my hands in midair. Dirt and flowers and shards of cheap clay pot were everywhere. And so that was another half an hour in the sun and humidity as we cleaned up the mess.

All week, I’ve been running the dishwasher only to have the dishes come out dirty. Turns out, the water softener was empty. I put the remaining three bags of salt in, but hurt my back. And to add insult to injury, there’s a kitchen full of dirty dishes that need washing, from the time we waited for the water softener to run a regen cycle.

Last night, I looked out the back window to see our lovely neighbour, hugely pregnant with twins, and her husband entertaining the couple they bought the house from. Our former neighbours were very nice, but superficial and irresponsible. They’re also the type of people who have literally been given absolutely everything in life. And oh yeah? Now she’s pregnant too.

Another reminder, right there in your face. It’s like being starving, and everyone around you is eating an ice cream cone. Something delicious that you want more than everything but can’t have. You feel self-pity, and jealousy, and hurt.

I dissolved into tears.

A few hours watching Love Actually after that almost — ALMOST — made the pain go away.

Today I am the poster child for allergies. Sneezing my brains out. Puffy, runny, itchy eyes. Circles under my eyes like a raccoon mask. Blowing my nose constantly. I’m a beauty, I can tell you.

Le sigh.

I feel it is just best to stay in today.