Still A Bunch of Pansies

It’s true. I am still a bunch of pansies.

It’s about 30 degrees out. Our first really sunny summery day. And I am out gardening. (Well, not right NOW, you understand. I came in for some water.)

Spiffy new garden spade? Check.

Rubber-palmed gardening gloves? Check.

Totally, comically, unflattering paint-splattered shorts? Checkerooni.

Superduper mega SPF sunscreen? Check.

Rubber crocs-type gardening shoes? Checkola.

Oh-so-stylin’ bucket hat? Check.

Yep, I got it all. And…

Sweating like a pig? Checkity-check-check.

Seriously. I am melting like someone threw a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch of the West, here. I am dripping sweat and SPF-y goodness all over the place.

And already I am itching from allergies. Can a person be allergic to dirt? Because I haven’t even gotten into the weeds or the grass yet.

It can’t just be MOI that finds it hot today. Cinnamon is holed up in a dark cave, sleeping. Lucy is stretched out, pancake flat. Even her ears are flattened out. And she’s staring off into the distance like she’s looking at a mirage in the desert.  So I can’t be the only one finding it warm.

It IS lovely, I must admit. It’s nice to be wearing shorts outside again. But still.

45 minutes in the garden and I’m a puddle already.

To be fair, sunscreen and a hat are not my usual attire. I feel like I am encased in rubber wearing this stuff. “Does not clog pores” my ass, pal — this stuff has laminated me. I am a laminated garden gnome in a bad hat.

But I am making an effort to avoid a) sunburn on my scalp, which is an absurd and painful thing, and 2) a farmer tan, which looks ridiculous on anyone but an actual farmer.

It’s a toss up, really: farmer tan and an painful pink scalp vs. sweating like a large fat mobile fountain. What to choose? Death by heat stroke or by skin cancer?

Hmph.  Well, better get this bunch of pansies back into the garden.

3 thoughts on “Still A Bunch of Pansies

  1. Ah, I’ve missed ya this week! End of school is ridiculously busy.

    But, we’re ’bout done.

  2. I did the SPF thing one year in Florida and ended up with a rash that would drive you crazy. It appeared that I was allergic to the ingredients in the lotion. Ended up using calamine lotion for a week.Not a very becoming look when you are looking for a tanned body.It turned to a light grey color.And yes it was like wearing a rubber suit on the beach with a temp of 30 degrees. Just a little bit sweaty and no air to carry off the steam created by the high temp and the latex glove caressing the body.

  3. Oh. I forgot to add that the farmer’ tan is like the golfers’ tan.
    When standing in line at the bank I could always tell who was a golfer by the sock line on the ankle. It stops at the top of the foot and when you wear sandles it appears that you are wearing light colored socks in your sandles. Yuck! I hate that look but love the golf.

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