I am one of those people who believes in the power of a good cry. I cry for stress release and when I am very tired. And tonight, I had a good long cry over Opus.
She’s back in hospital again tonight. She won’t eat. Something is wrong and we have no idea what it is, but she won’t eat. She eats and then she throws up. The drugs that are supposed to work aren’t working. My poor little girl is getting weaker and sicker and there’s no explanation for it.
Our vet, Dr. Maggs, is phenomenal. She has been going above and beyond to help us get Bubby well again. We trust her implicitly. So today, we took Opus in, and she asked if we could leave her there to see if she could get her to eat. Dr. Maggs is the most remarkable vet I have ever met. She’s pulled a rabbit out of a hat several times over to keep Bubby healthy in the past, so if anyone can do it, she can. But also, if she comes to the conclusion that it’s Opus’s time to leave us, we know she has done absolutely everything in her power to help her, and it truly is time.
Thing is, I am not ready quite yet to let my girl go. Dr. Maggs says the next few days will tell the tale, but she doesn’t think at this point that Bubby is ready to go either.
I started to cry in the appointment today. I can make the tough decision if I have to; I will do whatever I have to, as long as it’s in Opus’s best interests. But this helplessness is so hard. It’s so stressful. It hangs over our days, as we watch and hope and try to cajole her to eat. It hurts so much to see my best friend, my little girlie, so sick and yet purring whenever she sees me; so weak, and yet chirping at me as I walk by. It hurts to know that I can’t make her better with love and wishing. It hurts to know that our wonderful vet staff are doing what they can to help given our limited resources and it’s just not working, and knowing how hard it must be for them. If only we had all the money in the world to give them to treat her. If only Opus would eat and gain some strength. If only.
If it is her time, then I will have to let her go. I cannot imagine life without her. But that time is not quite yet. We trust in our wonderful doctor and her staff. We wait, and we hope.
And in the meantime, I have a good cry.