Let The Silly Season Begin

I’ve gone into hibernation. I know I can’t hibernate forever, but for the past few days, I’ve been hiding out in my attic. Anything to stay away from THEM.

THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS. (*cue dramatic music*)

Yes, the silly season of holiday shopping has begun. I try to stay out of stores and malls if I can help it, unless it’s 9:30 am on a Tuesday or something when people are still working or in school. Because as much as I love humanity, it’s people I can’t stand. And this is just magnified during the holidays.

I like some places. I enjoy going to the bulk foods store, for example. It’s busy, but festive. Nobody’s pushing or elbowing or fighting for parking spaces. Nobody is impatient. The golf store is often quiet. Office supply stores are good, too. But I studiously avoid liquor stores, toy stores, home gift stores, and the mall.

OY. THE MALL. Full of overheated, overtired, overspending shoppers laden with bags, corraling unruly kids. The centre of the mall aisle is always full of displays, usually temporary, often full of crap. Insane Xmas muzak is playing in every store — either that or “Feliz Navidad”. I would not mind so much, if people would just be pleasant and bide their time in lineups. But NO. They’re bitching at sales staff, pushing in aisles, driving like maniacs, and not paying attention to anything or anyone around them.

I plan an invasion force of one when I shop. I carefully list everything I need to buy. I map out where to park, and the route to take through the mall. I pick an early weekday morning when the mall will be quieter. I plan to be in and out with everything bought in under two hours. If I can’t get it in that time, it’s left behind. And then, I park, take a deep breath, paste on a cheerful and sympathetic (to sales staff) demeanor, and in I go. In. Out. Done.

I know I am going to have to face them this week. I know it. I don’t want to do it, but the closer you get to Christmas, the more people there will be. So I am going to have to suck it up and get it done.

Hm. I wonder if my family would go for bulk candied fruit and a bulk bag of flour for Christmas.