On an online community that I frequent, one of our most self-absorbed cervix-gazers has found herself pregnant, accompanied by the requisite “OMG i feel a bit queasy do u think i might be PREGNANT? Oh I just got a Positive test eleventyoneSQUEE!!111!!!” posts. Now, despite my 2 years of trials with the conception process, I do try to be happy for the posters who find themselves pregnant, and I am genuinely pleased for the friends who I know have been struggling with conception, infertility, and loss who find themselves blessed. But this one, she is a special case.
She’s made some appallingly insensitive posts over the time she’s been trying, and in the thread dedicated to people trying to conceive, she’s stalked the thread and worked hard to position herself as all-knowing alpha female. She’s unhealthily obsessed about trying to conceive to the detriment of her health and her relationships with others. It got to a point where I just lurked, and finally stopped posting altogether, because of her. On other parts of the board, where other people are struggling with real-life issues of life and change, nary a post from her can be found. If it’s not centred around her uterus, or babies, she’s rarely interested. She’s what one would call an attention whore.
I resolved long ago, that if ever I were to get pregnant again, I would not make one of those pregnancy announcement posts. It’s so hard to be the one struggling to conceive, dealing with pregnancy loss, whatever, to then turn around and inflict that hurt on someone else. I’ve been doing this too long, feeling the pangs of hurt too often, to do that to someone else. I know how hard it is. I will share the news with the people I care about, the ones who read my blog or that I deal with more often in PMs or chat or email or whatever, and if word gets out on the rest of the community then so be it. If I ever find myself in that position, of course.
And so, with this recent announcement. I find myself hard-pressed to continue posting. With everything I have going on over the next four weeks, the last thing I need to see are her endless posts about her new pregnancy. “Oh, my boobs hurt!” “What food aversions did you have?” “Is it possible my fetus is already moving around?” “Do you think my fetus could be fluent in Polynesian by the time it’s born if I start playing language tapes for it right now?””Poll: Is this a good combo for my baby?” I just won’t be able to stand it.
I just can’t deal with the stress and the hormones and the waiting AND be slapped in the face like that constantly. I just can’t cope with it, not now. So, I will take a break from my community for awhile. It is self-absorbed of me, yes. But I will try to do it with a bit of dignity and sensitivity. It’s all I can do to hold it together for myself.