Crouching Elf, Hidden Kitty

I wish I knew how to type out the sound of someone having a slow burn over something. You know, that sighing, miffed sound that someone makes when they are frustrated and about to say something, likely full of cuss words, and later regret. I am having several of them today.

Life with 3 cats is never dull. Once you have more than one cat, you have a herd anyway, so embarking upon the life of a multi-cat household, you are bound to days full of mini-dramas. I just sat on the couch to gather up my knitting from last night and put it away. I reached for the yarn, only to put my hand into a world of wet, cold and goo. Now, you say to yourself, “Self, they are CATS. Yarn is what they DO.” And yet, knowing that, and knowing that every single day for the last two years, a certain member of the feline contingent here has been firmly told “NO!” when she even approaches the subject of “participating” in my knitting, you’d think that lessons would be learned. Knitting could be put away with no harm to the knitting, knitter, or knitting supervisory staff. Conversely, knitting could be left unsupervised and lay quite peacefully for a period of time without fear of feline intervention. Apparently not. There is a wad of wet, gooey, stinky yarn on my coffeetable at the present moment that bears witness to the fact that someone is either:

1. Eager to learn the fine art of knitting, but does not possess opposable thumbs,
2. An admirer of my handiwork, or
3. Playing with my yarn when I am out of the room, ignoring any and all instruction to the contrary over the course of 2 years.

A tough call, that. Now, I am just ASSUMING it was Lucy, because she is known for being obsessed with string of any kind, while at the same time possessing the common sense of a soap dish. The other two cats have shown interest in handicrafts in the past, but as both have spent much of the day as great fuzzy puddles of sleeping cat on various pieces of furniture throughout the house, I think it would take far too much ambition to actually GET UP and GO OVER THERE to goob all over said knitting. So that leaves Lucy as prime suspect.

And then, there is Trouble at the Christmas Tree. We are well into the festive season, and now on Episode 3: When Good Tree Skirts Go Bad. When we last met our heroes, Cinnamon was looking VERY concerned because somehow, the Christmas tree skirt had wandered completely away, and she had nowhere to nap. We pick up the action on the floor about a metre away, where the tree skirt is rolled into a kind of tube shape.

As Cinnamon peers into the tube of festive fabric to see what is the matter, the back end of the tube begins to wiggle violently. Also, the back end of the tube has taken on a distinctly brownish hue. And has grown a tail. She decides to leave well enough alone, and seek comfort with her Bubby. The tube, however, continues to sit and wait; since its head is covered, it feels it is invisible, and therefore invincible. It is the Christmas Crouching Elf, Hidden Kitty.

Cinnamon peers cautiously over at the now-mound of tree skirt, looking sad. And then heads downstairs to seek Bubby and a snack. For comfort. And still, Crouching Elf, Hidden Kitty waits. Or perhaps, has morphed into Crouching Elf, Dozing Kitty. It is hard to say.

Inspector Bubby arrives on the scene. She complains bitterly about the state of things. Unbeknownst to her, there is terror lurking near the Xmas tree. She sees it. She wisely avoids it, opting instead to observe from afar. (Observe the backs of her eyelids for light leaks, actually.) Crouching Elf, Dozing Kitty is now completely immobile. A dastardly ploy.

Suddenly, a projectile hurled at the bum of Crouching Elf, Dozing Kitty rouses her from her slumber. A bell jingles! OH! Crouching Elf LOVES the jingly bell. She must investigate. Jingly Bell is her friend. Suddenly, she thinks to herself, “Wot’s this?? A tube of tree skirt? WOW!” How exciting! Crouching Elf MUST see what this is about. And also ring the bell from time to time, for it is funny. “This tree skirt is a puzzlement,” thinks Crouching Elf. “How did it get here? Why is it rolled up so? I MUST know,” thinks Crouching Elf. The tree skirt seems to have surprised Crouching Elf somewhat, for she has a POOFY tail.

And then, returning from a tasty snack, Cinnamon spies Crouching Elf, Hidden Kitty. VERY upset at a lack of a tree skirt in its appointed place, she sulks under the tree. Suddenly, the errant tree skirt becomes a mound. Crouching Elf, Hidden Kitty vanishes. Cinnamon is WIDE EYED with confusion. Also, not only a little bit of concern. She has seen Tree Skirt behave like this before. She remembers. It was not good. No, not at all. She adopts the defensive “wheels fell off the cat” pose as a means of protection. Also, it’s toasty.

And so ends another episode of Trouble at the Christmas Tree. Stay tuned for Trouble at the Christmas Tree, Episode 4: Rain of Ornaments.

Oh CRAP, the tree skirt is moving again.

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